Heartbroken and needing help!

[irishblessings]

Struggling, struggling, struggling -
Kids are struggling through anger, hurt, fear - H says just give it time / he will talk to them and they will get through it.
I am struggling through hurt, loneliness, desperation -
The kids have felt that there have been great improvements in our family over the last three years (since the B1) - they don't understand this sudden change. H says that "we are not in a place of improved relations now like we may have been at points over the past 3 years and I was not giving you a real perspective either"
H asks me - "so are you still holding out hope that I am going to change my mind and come back?
I said "it's not about holding out hope that you will return. It's about working through these problems and seeing where it ends up. Rather than abandoning all. I understand that we aren't at a place of "improved relations" right now but working through a system like a structured separation would lead us to a better place - whether or not that is separate or together. There is too much good to throw away without that work or effort."
H said "I thought that WE decided a structured separation should at least have some hope of ending up together"
I asked "why is even the smallest remote chance of that so threatening? I know where you are right now - how can you feel so little worth in these years of work?"
H says "It is not threatening, I just do not want it. I have been trying to ease the kids into divorce as possible. I think it is approaching time to tell them I am divorcing so they know the truth and can start to prepare mentally for that life."

There is a huge part of me just dying to move as far away from here as possible - to stay as far away from him and this place (his hometown) as I can. I feel like I'm drowning in hurt, humiliation, deception,...

How can I get through this? When will it stop hurting?????