I see your point - well taken! I am going to do what you suggested as far as asking to see the phone but wanted to wait until after I talk to FT this week before doing so. Whether it's pornography, an EA or PA, you're right: there is SOMETHING outside of our marriage that he is turning to. Well, we know XBox is one of those things - but something that is more destructive going on.
He's just weird. Sometimes, like this morning - going to church and to eat afterwards - he acts perfectly happy and normal. Yet, there is an obvious disconnect with me. I'm glad he's "fine" around the kids, but can't say it doesn't hurt that he's not OK one on one with me.