i['m so unbelievably heartbroken right now. i feel numb. completely numb. stupid. why does he not love me? now i know whats really going on in his head. i feel so stupid. i feel like a complete failure
how can i be so stupid... now i guess i will at the very least be able to institute those boundaries. i'll just let him know i saw the application, and that if he isn;t willing to move back in within a month i'm giving up. i think i can say i tried. besides, if he's looking for a lower paying job, i'm sure its just so he can;t pay me and support.
abq, prove to yourself that you are not stupid, that you are smart and DO NOT tell him you checked his email. If you do, the password will change and you will no longer have access to a reality check and you will be more vulnerable to his manipulations.
Didn't you once say that it sounds like he may have a lot of narcissistic traits? It does sound that way. There are some people who are so damaged that they do not have the capacity to love anyone, they just use people to prop up their ego and then discard them. It happened to me and it will take a while for me to get completely through it. His inability to really love you is not about you. You are loveable. You have been so starved for love that you get clingy and needy and that is your worst problem.
I have to go to bed, but tommorrow we can talk about some ways to respond to him now.
I'm sorry for the hurt you are feeling, but glad that you are smart enough to find out what is really going on.
Board policy prohibits sharing direct contact info. Some of us have FB profiles using our DB names though. You could do likewise and look for Dudess with the swans.
he called me three times today, unfortunately, i answered on the third. after a few minutes of him attempting to make small talk, i tried to state a concern. I said 'i just don't feel like you're genuinely interested in fixing things'. He responded 'I need a vacation'. I said 'I just thought I would say how I felt and see if you had anything to say'. Him: 'I'm tired'. 'I'm sorry you're tired'. 'No you're not, you never cared'. 'I'm not going to let you do this to me. I do care'. 'No you don't'. 'Stop putting your stuff onto me, youre the one who doesn't care, you're projecting onto me'. 'I'll talk to you later'. 'Well, maybe you won't'. Click. The result? A saturday night of my friends wanting to strangle me. Telling me over and over again that it's not my fault, that I didn't do anything wrong, that I do care, that I'm not a piece of dog sh*t. I feel aweful. I feel like I said something wrong, like I should have just been thrilled thathe called even though I saw that he was applying for jobs in another city, posting personal adds, all this week. It's amost like I am addicted to being treated bad. To feeling bad. I'm so confused right now.
after a few minutes of him attempting to make small talk, i tried to state a concern. I said 'i just don't feel like you're genuinely interested in fixing things'. He responded 'I need a vacation'. I said 'I just thought I would say how I felt and see if you had anything to say'. Him: 'I'm tired'. 'I'm sorry you're tired'. 'No you're not, you never cared'. 'I'm not going to let you do this to me. I do care'. 'No you don't'. 'Stop putting your stuff onto me, youre the one who doesn't care, you're projecting onto me'. 'I'll talk to you later'. 'Well, maybe you won't'. Click.
You stated your concern, he then tried to put you on the defensive in order to avoid responding to you. This is a classic manipulative tactic which suggests you are correct that he is not very interested in fixing things.
