Nothing fits

[mishka422]

He has said a few more things to me that lead me to believe this was not directly broom related. He was talking on the phone to his BMF last night and I overheard him say, "I just don't know WTF to do to fix my life. I screwed it up really good."

So, he is contemplating his future and it's depressing him. Gee...I can understand that one fully. Why he won't talk to me at all about it I don't know. It must be some guy thing. "Don't talk to the woman about a problem, you'll look weak." or some other male BS. I swear, when will they get it through their thick skulls that women want to know what is going on in their heads sometimes. Not because we want to necessarily help them, but because we start to imagine all sorts of horrible things are going on with them and us because of the distance and depression.

Is it just me though? Am I the only woman that feels like that? I jump to the conclusion that he's totally miserable being here with me because he's suddenly withdrawn, depressed, and moody.

OT, I didn't have the guts to ask him to do the NC call. I don't have the guts to ask anything of him. Heck, I asked him to go pick something up at the store for me yesterday and it turned into an hour long search for the specific item I needed between two stores. I felt horrible for asking. I should have gone and done it myself. It seems so wrong to ask for help from him. My mind does all these cartwheels trying to come up with ways to accomplish things without asking him for any help at all and WTH is that? I'm pretty sure it has to do with my list of reasons he left. Now, mind you, this is a list of reasons I came up with on my own because he would never give me any. I asked why he had gone looking for another woman and he just shrugged his shoulders and said it was because he didn't feel like a piece of furniture to be used for someone else's benefit when he was with her. I decided that must have meant that I asked too much of him. I sent him on errands when I was too busy to do them, I asked him to pick up or drop off Marc so I could finish making dinner or grocery shopping. I asked him to pick my mom up on his days off so I wouldn't have to cut out 30 minutes of my own lunch time to do it. All selfish things in looking back at it so it must have seemed that way to him too. So now, I don't ask anything of him if I can at all help it and then I blew that yesterday. He wasn't too pleased with it taking that long and fighting the holiday crowds in the stores. I made sure to be extra thankful when he got back so he would know how much I really appreciated it.

Twisted and sick isn't it? I write it out here because in my head it sounds reasonable but when I see it in black and white it just sounds demented.