putting my big girl panties on

[flowmom]

The hardest thing about my sitch has been accepting the truth that my children won't grow up in an intact family and dealing with the fear, anxiety, and guilt that I have about that.

I want to write a bit about what has helped me in my journey as a mother over the last six months, because I know that many other LBS parents are facing the same painful realities.

Telling the children

I had two day's notice before the separation, and only one day to think about how to deal with telling the children. It was horrible, but I think we did an OK job.

I strongly disagree with a lot of the advice that I read here about making the WAS feel the consequences of their actions by making them tell the children or making them take sole responsibility for the separation/divorce. The reality is that children are the ones who pay the highest price in divorce . Most children remember the moment that they were told about the divorce for the rest of their lives. Parents owe it to them to manage the telling in the best way possible for the children's emotional health.

I recommend reading the age-specific advice on how to tell the children in this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Helping-Your-Kids-Divorce-Sandcastles/dp/0679778012
Those who have experience with this issue have learned that children's interpretations and needs in learning this information are very different than the perspectives of the parents. I found that the book provided very useful guidelines that address the developmental stage of the child.