Re-Connecting

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I asked her how she was able to have this external R during our marriage and it was ok??? She said it's not the same, "I don't talk with him while your around"... HA!!!!

You may want to point out that you took the call while she WAS around, because you had absolutely nothing to hide in its content. (unless there's more to this OW relationship than what you're telling us here???)

That your phone calls, your e-mail, and your phone's text messages are A COMPLETE OPEN BOOK to her (altho I would give my atty a separate e-mail address now, if you're going to communicate that way), and that you are completely transparent with her and invite her to do the same if she's serious.

Right. Thought so.

Puppy

[Fightingforher]

Thanks puppy,

There is absolutly nothing else to tell about OW. We merely had this one thing in common "D" and it felt nice to talk to someone about it.

I'm certainly in no position to start any type of R with anyone at this point. I want to work on me right now and I don't need any distractions. I'm hoping my W cools down so we can get through this as smoothly as possible.

[Fightingforher]

Talked to W again. She asked me what my problem was?? Not sure what she means. She's trying to control me right now and I think it upsets her that I'm moving forward in life.

I should have the re-fy paperwork done today and then I can start the process for taking the house over. She has been super moody today and just doesn't want to be around me.

I'm headed home soon and I'm not sure what to expect. She threatened to move out earlier today, I told her do what is best for you. I think she was surprised by that answer, in the past I would have begged her to stay.

I'm exhausted from this limbo land and I just want to be normal again. Well as normal as someone going through a D can be.

[Fightingforher]

My W wasn't home when I got off work. She did call to apologize for the way she's been acting. I asked that we remain amicable for our son during this tough time. She agreed and told me that she was really upset when I got call from OW. I told her that's how I've been feeling for the past 4 months while she talks with OM.

She didn't have much to say other then sorry. She dropped off son and said she was going to watch fireworks tonight. Not sure who with but she's out...... AGAIN!!!

Working on getting all documents signed so W can finally move out and hopefully we can start our new lives. Not sure what the future holds but it has to be better then this.

[Fightingforher]

Journaling.....

W got home last night, she sent a text to my phone at 11:30pm. I was asleep but it woke me up. It was meant for OM I think, something about a "sugar daddy"... Either way it woke me up and I got up and went into next room. I asked what this text was supposed to mean.

She back tracked and said she misunderstood a text that I had sent her earlier in the day.... WHATEVER!!!!

My paperwork for re-fy is faxing as we speak... I'm excited to take over the house and move W out. I think it will be best for everyone. I just can't take her sneaking around any longer. It's taking it's toll on me and I can't focus on what's important (Son and Me)....

[Fightingforher]

I really don't understand WAW's.

For the past couple of days my W and I have been getting along while preparing for her to move out and me to take over home. We went through some old stuff, she cried after seeing some things from our past when we were happy.

We sat up and talked for about an hour trying to figure out what went wrong and how quickly it fell apart. Both of us have a lot of regrets.

She seemed very genuine and even sent me some flirtatious text messages the next day. We both talked about how someday our paths may cross again while being seperated.

I got home last night and she went out to run some erronds. I checked the computer "keylogger" and saw several emails to OM. They talked about her new place, she sent him pics of things she wanted to buy. Then he asked if he could see her tonight.

I guess I always thought it was just an EA and never wanted to admit that it could be a PA. Still don't have real proof but I can only assume the worse. It made me so angry that I confronted her about it. Nothing positive came out of it but now the feelings of betrayel have taken over any feelings that I did have left for my W.

I pray that the re-fy goes through so I can move her out and start the healing process. I've never felt so much pain before, I hope I can bounce back and get these thoughts out of my head.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

FFH, I'm so sorry. This is very typical, however, if that makes you feel any better. A cheating spouse loooves to draw their betrayed spouse into a "mistakes were made," passive-voiced, moral-equivalency conversation, draw comfort from you, and "normalize" things to an extent to assuage their pain and guilt.

As you've seen, these moments have NOTHING to do with their continued level of contact to their OP, sadly.

Yes, you both made mistakes, and both apparently have a lot of regrets. However, ONE of you was still here recently, trying to do the right thing and work on the marriage, while the other ran away from the marriage as fast as she could, cheating and lying about it.

Remember that.

Puppy

[Fightingforher]

I guess it was the final nail in the coffin for me.

I suppose the next steps for me is to start healing and move forward. Hoping that re-fy goes through then I can stay busy working on house the way I'd like it done.

That is the only thing that I can look forward too right now. I'm hoping it will keep my mind off things. Everyone say a quick prayer for me to get the home and keep fingers crossed.

Thanks

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Man, what's with all the "nail in the coffin" references on the boards this week?? Sheeesh.

Nothing's ever final, FFH. Filing for divorce doesn't always END UP in divorce, and even divorced couples (about 20%) remarry.

Try to stop being so black and white. Do what you have to do (do "The Right Thing") and let the future take care of itself.

Puppy

[DanF]

That's a tough one enact Puppy. I sometime feel the same way as FFH. Black and white is hard to get away from, but we both know you are right. It is just VERY hard to do.