The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

I sometimes feel like I'm back in high school -- working the phones and texts trying to find the party.

Weird doing that again at 41.

Did get things figured out though. Called a coworker I play basketball with. It's an interesting friendship. I've been friends with his dad -- also a coworker -- for years. We've played softball together for 14 years.

I play basketball with his son. He's 27. And we're heading out at 9 p.m. and going to places different than my normal hangout.

After taking a long walk, I finally did dishes and then sat down to read my diary from last year. I stopped writing in it when I got on this site. This basically is my diary now, one people read and comment on.

I wrote in it last July 4. That was an emotional day. At that time I still was staying with my friend -- no apartment. I was only seeing the girls a few hours a week. I got the shock of discovering she wasn't home waiting for me on July 4 -- she went out since I had the girls. I was wondering if I should file for divorce -- I never would have had the guts.

I correctly predicted D7 would struggle in my apartment once I got it. She's used to being as loud as she wants.

Interestingly, I was struggling with my tone with her a year ago. I was angry then and I'm still angry now.

BTW, on my long walk I texted the 31-year-old who I'm hoping to see tomorrow. I did it just to feel better about myself. Weird how my self-esteem has just been laid low this week.