Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

Good points. I've been thinking alot about this today and I've decided I definitely can't live thru this deceit again, but I think it's got to be all about timing - I have to make the choice that much more difficult for him. We've had a great time last night and today (together and with S) and tomorrow should even be that much more "familish" with H getting to go swimming and doing fireworks (sparklers) with S. Yes, I'm putting on a front right now, but if he is going to turn this life away for other women, he better see what he's missing! It's my last battle! The fact that this is happening again means it must be addressed now b/c all of his arguments about why this happened the first time are no longer here with this girl. I honestly thought OW1 and OW2 were a one time thing b/c of the situation going on in our M (not excusable, but more understandable), but since it's happening again, it needs to be nipped once and for all. I scared to death to confront him (he's a much better arguer than I am & I always seem to cave), but he needs to know that I am not going to stand for him going behind my back with other women, even if that means the end of our M. As much as it hurts, if that's what he wants, I don't want him in my life anyways. It was weird though, sometimes he would look at me and I could almost see the guilt behind his eyes. I'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing is not appropriate, but I don't know if it's enough to call it off or not. I'm kind of trying to watch the cell activity to get a gage of what to do. I'm waiting for the records to come in to see if he was texting her while he was here, b/c that will make my decision that much easier. (Although continuous texting all day yesterday while he was making plans with me, should be enough. Arrrgg) But after I make my decision, I'm done with it b/c I'm not going to be a slave to snooping. But for now, we'll see how tomorrow goes. Should be a fun day. H has also already planned to do stuff with us Monday (picnic lunch) and Wednesday night (bbq together-he's gonna grill up some steak for S and I), so we'll see if that all happens if I break the news. I don't think I can go dark at this point, b/c that would just feed him into OW3's hands. It's new in that R, so it's got to be all or nothing, but I will definitely stick to those tactics if it's a negative outcome - no pleading, pursuring, and begging from me! It really is a tough call, but it comes down to the fact I am better than this, I don't deserve this kind of treatment, and I refuse to be played for the fool again. It's hard to let go, but if he's willing to let go of me so easily, then there's my answer. I have given it my all, loved unconditionally, supported, and forgave and this is what I get back for all my effort - an OW3? I don't think so! He has to chose want he wants from his life and as much as I want it to be me, if it's not, I think I can be strong enough to tackle that road too. The unknown is sure scary tho!