I think exposure backfired?

[AntoniaB]

Ok I had some dealings with my H today over some house issues that needed to be resolved. That all went ok. We did talk a bit about what happens next, and we came to a settlement and division of property agreement that I am taking to my lawyer next week to be formalized, but the lawyer's advice was to get this done now to protect your assets, and that IF he files for divorce, this then gets attached to the divorce later. Otherwise, it just means your assets and such are legally separated during the time you live separately.

He said he "intends to file" and he is "100% in favor of that", but then he said that he can wait till late fall to do so because the forms say that the divorce becomes final 6 months after the separation date, and it's automatic without a trial so long as the property settlement has been reached. (A trial by the way in my state is very expensive and ends up doling out the money pretty much exactly as we have agreed to it now--and the wife gets no extra for being cheated on or anything). So AVOIDING the trial is easier financially AND emotionally. We would only get a paper in the mail saying "you're divorced."

So I plan to do nothing, as in not file myself, after the property sett. is reached. Then I just wait to see if/when he files.

I guess my question to you is, does his language sound like someone who is totally decided that it's irreconcilable and I should just stop having any ounce of hope that he'll come to the thought that maybe we should try? Or is his language "typical" for someone in an addiction/affair?

He has said that he has no intention of leaving this OW to try to work things out with me because of 2 things: he thinks that he might try with me and it will all fail, and then she'll have moved on, and that as picky as he is, he'll lose me AND her in the process of trying to get things right with me. He also kept reiterating that he feels like his "biological clock is ticking" (not that he wants kids but that he is enormously afraid that any day now his age is really going to hit him and he'll be "old" (he is in low 40's now) and that then it really will be too late to find someone else. (the OW is in her late 20's, I'm his age).

So I guess from all this I'm again wondering is this all typical for someone is his position and eventually they come out of it, or is he truly and completely gone and I should just give up and stop praying for a change in time.