me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Icky feelings...just waited for the day to end. I wasn't depressed, just kinda irritable, almost angry at the memories.??
Email from H "thinking of you today". No reply from me.
Spent the afternoon w/ girlfriend at our corner wine bar w/ salads and pinot grigio.
I am still wondering what happened "over there" as H refers to it.
Woke up this morning to the LMAO topic on PEI's thread which cheered me immensely.
Took my mom and the kids and the nieces and nephews to the river to splash for awhile. Really hot out (114) and the water (snowmelt) really cold! My mom is obsessively over-protective (to the point of being crazy and it is becoming a problem,) of my nephew10. He fell while in the water at the river's edge, and she did this big dramatic "save" (he was fine) and flopped in the river and allowed herself to float away pulling him with her. Arrghhh. We had to pull her out (she would not stand in the 12" water, the river is only 30" at it's deepest) Did I mention Niece9 and D16 were standing right next to him knee-deep? Well, that is probably for another board on crazy mothers! lol. Mom had her phone, camera, and watch with her, and it is all my fault b/c I didn't check us into the 4star resort for the weekend like I always do for the 4th. Argggh
DD16 said she talked with her dad today and he seemed different. Really talkative, joked, laughed, old dad. He still hasn't mentioned his change in living arrangements to her, but when he said he was making himself dinner, she asked why doesn't his girlfriend cook? she said he just made a noise...so if he hasn't told the kids they are not living together anymore, he is not committed to ending things w/her. (My reasoning...mind reading, I know, i know...)
He asked her if we are still planning on the car show tomorrow night. (Surprised he remembered suggesting these plans to nephew16 last Sunday...is he looking forward to it?) That means he has to come here to get the car. Then drive to the show, hang out for a few hours, bring the car back.
That I can handle. My question is.. (now remember, he is a true cake-eater) How do I be? Do I maintain my cool but friendly distance? Or is this the time to open the door a bit more? Throw him a rope so to speak. Drop him a few crumbs? How can I draw him out, without pursuing. He is coming out, I am sure, but, the tightrope I am walking just got a bit finer..It now feels like a fishing line! I don't want to spook him nor do I want him to stagnate from a fear of my response. This is also a crucial time for him on getting through his addiction w/OW. The last 2 times (that I know of, I suspect more) he has given in to her pursuit. Does that all make sense? IDK. I am confusing myself here!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
I am still wondering what happened "over there" as H refers to it.
DD16 said she talked with her dad today and he seemed different. Really talkative, joked, laughed, old dad. He still hasn't mentioned his change in living arrangements to her, but when he said he was making himself dinner, she asked why doesn't his girlfriend cook? she said he just made a noise...so if he hasn't told the kids they are not living together anymore, he is not committed to ending things w/her. (My reasoning...mind reading, I know, i know...)
Could be that...or he just wants some alone time to figure things out. That your DD 16 said he seemed 'like his old self' when he's not under the influence of OW is SO telling...can't all these WH see these bloodsuckers are no good for them? OW really are like crack or meth. C'mon guys - kick the habit already! Sheesh!
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That means he has to come here to get the car. Then drive to the show, hang out for a few hours, bring the car back.
Your WH has an antique car or something?
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My question is.. (now remember, he is a true cake-eater) How do I be? Do I maintain my cool but friendly distance? Or is this the time to open the door a bit more? Throw him a rope so to speak. Drop him a few crumbs? How can I draw him out, without pursuing. He is coming out, I am sure, but, the tightrope I am walking just got a bit finer..It now feels like a fishing line! I don't want to spook him nor do I want him to stagnate from a fear of my response. This is also a crucial time for him on getting through his addiction w/OW. The last 2 times (that I know of, I suspect more) he has given in to her pursuit. Does that all make sense? IDK. I am confusing myself here!
You might want to check with Allen or Puppy or Jack for a man's perspective on this, but I think a flirty little sundress and a 2nd date with your girlfriend for dinner and drinks might be interesting for him to see and ponder. Look good, be friendly, but remain distant. It will make him wonder what you're up to...
"Card 1 (Judgement) : How you feel about yourself now »
You feel this is an end to an era or at least a certain phase of your life - you are taking stock and looking where you want to go from here. This ending is not one for regret but for rejoicing. Soon you will enjoy the rewards for your past efforts. As with any period of endings, many opportunities will present themselves and the choice that you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically. Any legal issues should be ruled in your favour.
The Emperor Card 2 (The Emperor) : What you most want at this moment »
The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is success and achievement, and the support and influence of perhaps your father, husband/partner or a man of significance in your life who you believe could help.
The Sun Card 3 (The Sun) : Your fears »
You are afraid that things seem too good to be true, so much pleasure and joy - well enjoy it, sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised. If you have been unwell this is a time of rejuvenation and good health. Perhaps you are afraid that things won't actually get better - have faith you are about to enter a happy and pleasurable time. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby.
The World Card 4 (The World) : What is going for you »
Success, fulfillment and conclusion are near at hand - the successful outcome to a venture, satisfaction in a relationship and efforts rewarded. It is a culmination of events and indicates material wealth and greater spiritual awareness. You may choose to buy that dream house or a wonderfully fulfilling relationship is on offer, enjoy!
The Fool Card 5 (The Fool) : What is going against you »
Beware of impetuous and impulsive decisions, they could cost you dear. Draw on your knowledge and experience, perhaps there are naive and immature beliefs behind your current desires. Are you looking to move onwards and upwards or run away? Look before you leap, you don't want to appear the fool do you?
Temperance Card 6 (Temperance) : Outcome »
A period of peace and harmony, life will flow and you will find a way of handling any difficult circumstances with calm confidence. This is also a time for patience, so if you are not sure quite what decision to make about any key issue, take your time you'll know what to do when the time is right."
Is that fun or what? It's all about MY choices!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
I know he is withdrawn. I will let it be. He knows where I stand.
And i know what "the guys" will say without having to ask!!!
Not antique....American exotic... We have always liked fast cars, and the whole family enjoys the friends and events these cars have brought into our lives. (We have collected a few) H has been on the "outside" since he left in Jan.
Are you on the alt?
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
WN think about what has been working....you have pulled away and he has been pursuing. As for tossing crumbs, why not wear the flirty sundress but not ACT pursuing. Think "hard to get."
I would think continuing to be distant and vague but flashing a smile while sharing a joke/memory or even a suggestive comment???
Make him wonder/miss you/desire you and continue to respect you for keeping your distance until he is done with the ho.
It's like the movies where the man wants the woman who acts so in charge, has amazing skills and looks so hot but won't give him the time of day. He follows her around with his tongue hanging out, he is just hell bent on getting her attention and getting her to go out with him. Some man on these boards said "make them suffer!" like work for it!
Just based on me looking from the outside in!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Not antique....American exotic... We have always liked fast cars, and the whole family enjoys the friends and events these cars have brought into our lives. (We have collected a few) H has been on the "outside" since he left in Jan.
Sounds like fun! My WH had an old Austin Healey and my FIL had a Maserati - those boys like their toys!
Originally Posted By: WhatNow
Are you on the alt?
Saw this on another post - don't know what it is...
