My Wife is Having an Affair with Co-Worker

[LSG]

Did get my first laugh out of W in along time. I was watching a Disney program with S, and he fell asleep laying next to me. I was kissing him on the head and getting ready to take him to bed. W came up and scared the hell out of me. I said that to her, and she laughed and said "sorry." Is he asleep, and I said "yes." I was about ready to put him to bed.

It was a little like old times for a moment. Surprised me.

[Allen A]

LSG, there is still a lot you are doing that I would not reccomend...

I need to see the exact scripts you are giving to these people...

Have you sat down with your WS' parents to educate them at all on the myths of divorce? Have you READ Divorce Remedy and Not Just Friends?

MB28's thread has some good info in it, but there was a lot she was doing that I did NOT reccomend either... She's a wondfully compassionate woman, but I think that also made it hard for her to fight her affair effectievly.

I assume OM's wife is filing for divorce as well?

Have you sat with your WS's parents sharing with them the guerilla db video I posted? Have you read protection.pdf I have also posted?

I dont reccomend trying to have "old times" with your wife while she is openly cheating on you...

I would reccomend that you confront her about cell phone use in the home and contacting OM in the family home and insist she LEAVE the home if she's going to do that... following up with the point that infidleity harms children (always use the word infidleity, don't call it a "relationship" or anything else... call a spade a spade)

That's just a start, you need to start finding your dignity again in that home and stop letting yoru wife walk all over you... She will NOT return to a man she does not respect... And right now you are a doormat.

[LSG]

Hi Allen,

I need to see the exact scripts you are giving to these people...

I do not have the exact scripts anymore. One of them is exactly like on mb28's sitch for exposing at the workplace. The neighbors was without a script. The parents speak only Japanese, and my Japanese ability is not so good. I am not able to communicate with them so well.

For the OMW, I found a script that seemed to be on target I thought for her. I don't remember it anymore.

I would discard them after because me and W still are in the same residence. We still sleep in the same bed too.


I assume OM's wife is filing for divorce as well?

She has not done it yet, but she is discussing it with a Lawyer. My W filed for our divorce.

Have you READ Divorce Remedy and Not Just Friends?

I am very limited on money since I am a stay-at-home father, and my W earns the income. She gives me no money for anything. I only learned by reading other peoples threads and from responses to my thread initially in the "newcomers" section.

Have you sat with your WS's parents sharing with them the guerilla db video I posted? No. Have you read protection.pdf I have also posted? Yes.


I dont reccomend trying to have "old times" with your wife while she is openly cheating on you...

I did not go out to dinner with her and the kids to my favorite pizza place because we use to go all the time as a family. I hope I made the right decision becauce I really did want to go. She asked me, and "I said go and have fun with the kids." Was this a good idea?

I would reccomend that you confront her about cell phone use in the home and contacting OM in the family home and insist she LEAVE the home if she's going to do that...

I did but she said "you can't control me." She said she pays the rent, and she will do what she wants to. Since I am a stay-at-home father, it seems I have very little leverage or influence on any decisions she makes.

following up with the point that infidleity harms children (always use the word infidleity, don't call it a "relationship" or anything else... call a spade a spade)

I remember reading you giving that advice, and I try to make sure I call it an "affair" or "infedility" but I must have been hurrying because she has been home from work all this week. I have to be careful that she does not find me on this site.

That's just a start, you need to start finding your dignity again in that home and stop letting yoru wife walk all over you... She will NOT return to a man she does not respect... And right now you are a doormat.

What are some ways that I can avoid being a doormat. I think I am doing much better these days. I try to not let her walk all over me at all. Any suggestions with examples, please? I want to get this right.

I did stop her from going on a trip to Vegas because I reminded her in a letter that she could not take the kids out of state do the Automatice Temporary Restraining Order. I cancelled or TM on joint cell phones. I have told her that she will not take the kids anywhere for July 4 tomorrow without me. I have done all I can do. I have made it clear that I will fight for my kids, and she knows this.

I hope I did not miss any of your questions.

[LSG]

I am actively seeking employment everyday, and it is very difficult to even find a job at fast food. I am the primary parent, so I would have to pay for daycare, and it is quite expensive as well.

[LSG]

Allen and Everybody,

My W wants to take the kids to her friends for July 4, and I am opposed to this because I want to spend the day with them too. I hope to stop this with out making it a big deal for the kids. It will be a fight. I do not want to be a doormat.

Any suggestions for me to do this?

[Allen A]

Just tell her no, that infidelity is a terrible thing to expose to children and you don't want them there... and hang up

[LSG]

Allen,

She was going to go to her friends, not the OM's.

We are all staying home and having a nice 4th of July with the kids together. D wanted it this way, and she is spending her money on the family dinner. Kids want us to be together as a family.

There was a discussion we had last night, but I do not have time to give the details yet. I will do that tomorrow.

Wife and I discussed what a Divorce will do to the kids among other things. She said she made a choice to leave the M and have an A. She said you do not understand an A until you have one. I told I never will because I will not have an affair. She said I am too moralistic, and I told her yes I am. I told her I am glad that I am.

I did say that she made a choice for all of us. The were never give a choice. She blinked a lot during the conversation. I do not remember the meaning. She said she will make sure the kids are okay,and I said she could make sure the kids are okay by working on the marriage.

There was alot more going back and forth. I do not remember all of the conversation. I did tell her that she is not the OMs first A or his last.

I asked why he did not D his W, and she said that he had a house and kids. I said he was a coward.

That is it for now.

Thanks for the help.

[Allen A]

Your wife is deluded if she thinks children will not be damaged by an affair or a divorce... ALL cheaters insist the children will be "okay" or "fine".. its BS...

Youc an do your own research and tell your wife you have done the appropriate research on harm done to children by infildeity and divorce and that she' is MISinformed...

Tell her you ARE informed and you aren't going to debate the topic on someone who is ignorant of the details... tell her until she's done the research she's harming children and you won't accept any backtalk from an ignorant informant such as your wife

Don't talk about morality, that's NOT going to make her budge...

And her sayign "you've never had an affair you don't understand" is BS... Tell her you have done the research and family therapists have been researching and publishing information on the damage infidelity AND divorce does to people and children for YEARS.. again she's ignorant.. tell her she's uninformed on teh subject... HER opinion is ONE opinion with ZERO HINDSIGHT since she's not divorced yet... tell her YOU ahve done research on families TWENTY YEARS AFTER the infidelity and divorce and your WIFE is the one who does not UNDERSTAND... !!!

BOOM!

Dude, you need to challenge her BS... She's got ZERO hindsight on this... she has no advanced perspective and you CAN do research on this subject...

Less than 1% of affair couples have successful relationships LONG TERM.. they FAIL more than 99% of the time...

Do NOT tell this to your wife, but YOU need to KNOW that YOU have researched this with HINDSIGHT and she HASN'T.. got it?

Don't believe this BS story about HER being the informed one and YOU are the one who is uneducated...

SHE is the ignorant fool.. NEVER let her tell you that SHE knows what YOU DON'T.. that's BS

[Allen A]

I am NOT telling you to argue at length with her... I am telling you to CALL her on her BS and then WALK AWAY...

SImply tell her she's ignorant of what she's talking about and YOU have done the research... There's walls full of published material on infidelity and the harm divorce does to children... Tell her you have done the appropriate research and she needs to get INFORMED before she shoots her mouth off and WALK AWAY...

[LSG]

We were at counseling, and the counselor was validating her in every way. There was so much bias in the sessions. When W told me at counseling that I am in love with you but I am not in love with you I walked out because I was devastated by this. She says that since I walked that was the reason that she had the affair. She did not intend to divorce me. She also said she will not get married again or to the OM. She said it just happened. I told her it just does not happen, and that she let it happen.

She said I will never get the kids because of my earning potential, and she did not agree to me taking care of the kids. I told her that it does not matter whether we agreed or not. She said I will not even make it to court. I told her we have a hearing, and it will go to court. She said if it keeps up that it will not. She said that she could have kicked me to the curb 3 years ago. I told it would be no different than it is now.

She validates her affair in everyway possible. I did not budge and validate the garbage she was saying.

She said that she made a "choice." I told her that she made a choice for her, not me and the kids. I told her I have "choice", and I will not stay married in a relationship with infidelity.

She said I should have let her continue to TM OM, and that she was doing nothing wrong. I told her it was an affair, and it was wrong.

I told her she has already damaged our kids. I told her that my son prays for our family all the time. I told her that he says our family is "messed up". She said that she wants a house and a dog for the kids. She cannot wait any longer, and that is what the kids want. I told what the kids want is their family to stay together, and none of the other matters to them, and it won't when they are older either.

We had a decent fourth of July with no arguing or fighting, but D does not respect W and fights with her all the time. This is because of the A I believe, and it is only getting worse. S want moms attention, and he is hurt, but she just justifies her actions.

It is a load of BS.