How I feel your pain! I'm the LBS of a bio-chem PhD, a University Prof whom I allowed to work as much as he needed - often 80 hours a week for 20+ years - to help him reach his goals. I put him through grad school, waited 11 years to have kids, did 95% of the parenting...and once the end was in sight, what'd I get for my 22 years of faithful teamwork? Shoved off the summit in favor of a younger woman! A conniving little grad student who's using my MLC WH to advance her career. The only one who hasn't figured that out yet is WH.
Anyway, in reading through your post about entitlement, etc., here's what I can tell you about the doctor wives I've socialized with at the various university hospitals where WH has done (prostate cancer) research. This is something I've experienced first hand at three different hospitals in three different states, and it might give you some insight into what's going through your wife's head.
*The only 3 nice MD wives I've met in 20+ years were an accountant, a computer programmer, and another MD. Nurses and PA's who marry doctors have TONS of status and stay in their own little cliques, spending lots of time and (their husband's) money trying to keep up with each other. (Any other WAW's in your wife's group?)
*There is a status hierarchy among specialties, with surgeons' wives at the top and GP wives at the bottom. You taking a GP job would seriously impact her status.
*She wants you to continue to fund her lifestyle for as long as possible from as far a distance as possible - the stay-at-home WAW's version of cake walking, husband's money + OM. Hit her where it hurts, in her lifestyle.
*She's being a brat about the kids right now because you want them. It's just spite, through and through. I'm not saying she doesn't love them, but if one of her chief complaints was because you were always working while she did all the child care, then you splitting custody would give her more time to herself. That she's refusing to see that shows how far out of it she is.
I know it's hard to understand behavior that's completely incomprehensible, but this might give you some insight into where she's coming from. I know how hard it is to be a single parent in a marriage because your husband is working all kinds of crazy hours - I've done it. But getting to the end AND then walking away? Not so much. Why give blood if you're just going to poor it down the drain?
