Pretty sure its a MLC, now what?

[MHL]

Hi Lisa,
First, you are to be commended for wanting to save your marriage.

Second, you are in the right place, you will find, acceptance, understanding, advice, friendship and support.

Third, we are here to help YOU.

I have read your thread, I know you are freting about the blowup you had on Tuesday. It was a backslide but that is it and it is not that bad IMO. We all have them....no biggie.

You are gonna get a lot of great advice and support from a lot of great people each person will bring a different perspective. I like to think of myself as the one who will pick out the positives in your sitch that you tend to overlook. Soooo lets start there b/c I see a lot that you have to be hopeful about.

I find if I concentrate on the positives it lifts my spirits and strengthens my endurance and patience. There is that word PATIENCE, get used to that one, your going to need way more than you can imagine.

we decided to spend more time together. It was going really great and I was pretty happy...

This is great right here, you both decided to do something to work on the M. Don't get me wrong here, you need to work on you but this is a good thing.

since my original post, we continue to live separately, have been intimate together a few times,

Depending on the situation this probably good as long as you can handle it emotionally which may not be the case right now. What this tells me about your H is he is still interested/attracted to you. I read above where you are getting in shape, this is good but do it for you not for him.

We would spend about two nights a week hanging out after D was in bed. Just watching movies, whatever would be normal in a 'normal' marriage. And he was always around all day on the weekends and we really enjoyed that time together.

Again spending time together is great and he is not nervous around you or at home. This is all very positive.

Now you have some Positives to look at in your sitch. I hope this helps, and shows you that you can make progress it just sometimes takes someone else to point it out until you start to recognize it yourself.

You now have to start to look at Lisa and start the hard work on
YOU.

Grit is right, it will be a little quiet around here this weekend so use that time to read up. I will try to check in also but if you find yourself in a frenzy and you are letting your emotions kick in, imagine a stop sign. Stop and do something else, breathe and wait 24 hours.

Another thing that helped me when I was on the rollercoaster was to write. Keep a journal, write to yourself, write to your H, write to God, pour out what you are feeling onto paper. It is incredibly therapeutic.

Keeping a journal will help you get through those times like today when you wanted to call your H and you know better than to do so. The other thing keeping a journal will do is help you recognize how far you have come. I look back at the things I wrote a year ago and I can't believe where I was compared to where I am now.

You may have been at this for 8 months or longer the reality is that it is going to take a lot longer but the thing that you will find out is that it never really ends. Your growth is something that will continue for the rest of your life.

We will walk with you as you take your steps and will pick you up when you stumble. You are in the right place.

Welcome, come in and sit down.