Glad to hear you found out that all is not rosy in OZ. Think of it as a little 4th of July gift.
I'm enjoying the fact that OW keeps inviting kids up and they keep turning her down. Evil of me, isn't it?
Have a great Holiday!
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
My biggest surprise came from thinking since the ow has 4 children (grown) and grandchildren that she has over a lot that she would think poorly of my H for spending so little time with his kids. Come to find out she resents any time he does spend with them. Being a mother, I find that very strange.
Punkin, I don't think that you're evil, only human.
Have a wonderful party and enjoy the blessings in your life!!!
Please I need some advice on how to handle my sitch.
As I have posted before things are not so good between my H and ow.
After H picked up his Harley at the dealership he stopped over to see his cousin who he had been close to but dropped when he took up living with ow. I haven't talked to the cousin personally yet (we are good friends) but she told my S23 that H isn't happy where he's at. He told her that ow is very insecure, demanding, and controlling. Cousin doesn't think this is going to last long.
My dilemma is this, should I plant a seed in H's head about a possible R at some point? H is so prideful I don't think he will ever admit he made a mistake by leaving. (I do know it's possible he still believes he didn't make a mistake by leaving us, only one by moving in with her.)
I don't think H is anywhere near done with MLC yet. I do know that pride can be a big hindrance to Rs.
I know I very well could be jumping the gun, but is there anything I could say that wouldn't be considered pursuing that would let him know that I am open to him returning at some point, or should I just let it go and let the chips fall where they may.
I would probably up being friendly with him, more smiles, show caring, maybe invite him for something that involves kids or family...I don't know...just show him that you enjoy his company...without being too forward....and see how he reacts.
You are right if he is in MLC, splitting up with OW doesn't automatically mean that he is done with it, that will just trigger the next stage. But wouldn't that be nice if the OW was out of the picture....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I agree with Mila 100%. Peeking out of the tunnel, you don't want to scare him back. Just be friendly and agreeable, non controlling.
Which brings up another question. How come its wrong or us, the BS to pursue, but that seems to be the norm when they break up with he OW/OM?
Oh, and SA, Thumbs up!
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Pleasant, but distant has been how I have been handling my sitch so far. I stopped pursuing ever since the second month when H told me again that it was over and had been for a long time.
Yesterday, we baled hay again. S26 texted his dad and told him he didn't have to come to bale for us. We had enough people to cover it. H showed up anyway. When I headed out to the hay loft I was smiling and ran into H who smiled at me. I didn't say anything to him.
Later. I sent D11 up with water for H who was baling and sons. D11 told her dad that the water was from mommy, and H said that was sweet. D11 sat on the tractor with him for a while and H got a phone call from ow. He spoke harshly to ow and told her he was baling and that he would be there in time to get ready for the grad party they had to go to. He then said bye, and hung up on her.
Like you mentioned Punkin, I don't want to scare him back in. It's such a fine line to walk...
I know I very well could be jumping the gun, but is there anything I could say that wouldn't be considered pursuing that would let him know that I am open to him returning at some point, or should I just let it go and let the chips fall where they may.
Absolutely.
Not
SA,
Just remember that this is his parade right now, and if he wants to ride the Harley, or row a liferaft down main street, it is what he has to do.
It doesn't mean you have to approve, or even like it.
Honestly ? It shows me that you are focusing on him again instead of walking your own path.
Don't let the monsters in your head out to play ....
Being thick here I guess, but if I'm reading you right I have no problem with H having the bike. I encouraged him for years to get one again if that's what he wanted.
I read on here and I think it was you (maybe J3B?) that posted saying that it was pride they believed that kept some M from Ring. Could be either the MLCer's or the LBS. All I wanted to know was if there was something I could say that would plant a seed to let H know that the light was still on in the window if at some point he wanted to rebuild with me.
Being thick here I guess, but if I'm reading you right I have no problem with H having the bike. I encouraged him for years to get one again if that's what he wanted.
I read on here and I think it was you (maybe J3B?) that posted saying that it was pride they believed that kept some M from Ring. Could be either the MLCer's or the LBS. All I wanted to know was if there was something I could say that would plant a seed to let H know that the light was still on in the window if at some point he wanted to rebuild with me.
2 x 4 me if you think I need it.
What are your actions saying to him ?
Have you stated in the past that you are for reconciling ?
Have you told him that you do not want this ?
I did say that, and I stand behind it.
At what point would you take him back ?
Without any work on his part ?
I also said that I am NOT against Relationship talks either...Just against relationship talks initiated by the LBS....
All of it becomes pressure if they are not ready to hear what you are saying...
And I have said before, that I'm not so sure that he doesn't view you as just standing still waiting for him to catch up...
Pride is a large pill to swallow, and it doesn't taste to good either.
There is a reason it is one of the seven deadly sins.
There will be a time for everything, I'm just not convinced that this is the right time for it ...
He has a loooooonnnnggg way to go on his journey, and hasn't shown too many signs that he is ready to hear anything.
