Heartbroken and needing help!

[cat04]

I leave and cry the whole way home.
This cannot really be my life! (just venting - I know it is)

Irish,

What you experienced is actually a good thing. You are not holding your feelings in when you are in private. That is very important.

I like the way you handled the dinner arrangments and left it up to the kids. (I know, they really aren't kids anymore are they?) Sort of took the pressure off of both you and H.

I am sorry to hear that he has been living in the car. While my H is still in the house, he really considered renting a room somewhere. A room, that is all. Now he stays with a friend several nights a week. Honestly, most days, it feels like he rents a room here as well. Very little interest in being in any other part of the house.

I know it doesn't seem logical. And it isn't. Nothing about MLC is. But in their own way, not being around us, although is their running, in their minds is also them helping us. Because not only have they convinced themselves that they will be happier this way, but because they feel that they are no longer hurting us if they are not there. Makes no sense but it is what it is...

What you are seeing in him right now is painful to watch, but I promise you, if you had to live with it everyday, it would be more painful. I would not wish an at home MLCer on anyone. It is harder on the LBS and the MLCer. Seeing the pain that they experience as they move through this process, well as you do see it, you will understand.

Your D is also right. Take a short break from the self help stuff and just live. Those breaks, will take your brain off of overload and allow you time to actually process what you are seeing, feeling, experiencing, and reading. Answers will come to you when you least expect it, washing dishes, sitting on the toilet thinking about nothing, when you wake up in the morning. We too have our own moments of clarity. If we can remember them, eventually, it all just sort of makes sense.

Have a great holiday!