It's been a tough day and I have a laundry list of things that I'm feeling bad about.
* tomorrow is six months since S-day...it was my personal deadline for deciding whether to wait or drop
* Sunday is stbxh's birthday
* I will have no personal time during the day this weekend
* my sister and most of my friends are out of town this weekend
* I have read half of the coparenting book and it's really upsetting
* stbxh has his intial meeting with the psychologist on Monday
* all of my children's playmates are out of town
* I am discouraged about making playdates with children who S6 plays with less frequently because the one on Thursday was a disaster
* I am feeling lonely and mad at myself for that
* oh and I'm pretty sick (sore throat sinuses, etc)
Within the stages of abandonment (SWIRL), I seem to be stuck in Internalizing. It seems like Rage has to happen if I want to make progress. One friend says that maybe I'm so "evolved" that I will be able to skip rage. Not likely but nice of her to say . Another friend says that I need to actively work on cultivating rage against stbxh. Sigh. Not sure how I would do that. My eyes are open to his faults and they have been for a long time. But there's a disconnect between my intellectual understanding of his faults and shortcomings and betrayals...and my emotional reaction to those. Any input?
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
. Another friend says that I need to actively work on cultivating rage against stbxh. Sigh. Not sure how I would do that. My eyes are open to his faults and they have been for a long time. But there's a disconnect between my intellectual understanding of his faults and shortcomings and betrayals...and my emotional reaction to those. Any input?
