Maybe her hatred is the fuel she burns to do what she has/is...(separation, divorce). Maybe her hatred is the only way she feels able to maintain any sense of power, or it may feel like the only control she has ever had in the relationship.
I don't know.
For me..."What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate." - Thoreau
I resolve to do things differently.
You seem to be leaving the past behind in order to live in the future. Good for you.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.