I do have to disagree with one thing you said Coach. I ABSOLUTLEY feel if she had given me that diary like she intended, I most certainly would have at least been aware of things and started making serious efforts, including getting us into counseling ASAP.
What you need to understand is that it doesn't matter. What you would have done is absolutely irrelevant. What matters is that she clearly believed that that would not have happened. You really need to be able to make that distinction.
Then WHY bother writing the words , adressed to ME, practically BEGGING me to "wake up " before it was to late if she didnt really feel that way then ? She wrote 4 freaking pages addressed to me, obviously intending for me to READ THEM THEN. Same thing happened once before when our DD was coming, only that time she actually wrote me a letter after an argument and actually gave it to me and things got better.
I cant explain why she didnt give it to me this time, most likely completely lost track of where the damn thing even was, it was totally coindence that I found it in a bag of cards we got when the baby was born. This diary thing doesnt read like a cathartic thing just for her, she MEANT for me to read it. She was trying to reach out to me then in the only way she knew how. The one time I know she's actually honest with her feelings is when she writes.
Obviously its irrelevent NOW. I just cant understand why if she was trying so desperately to reach me back in October, she didnt make sure I saw what she wrote to me when it would have done some good thats all. She wrote that she DIDNT want this to happen and was crying out to me to stop it. If she didnt want it to happen, then it makes NO sense to not be 100 percent sure I got the "letter"
