Mila, I think your H does some of the things he does because he can. For instance, giving you the receipts for his activities with OW is beyond disrespectful. I nipped that in the bud early on by telling H that we needed to expand what we were expected to pay from our own accounts to include all recreational activities that included anyone other than immediate family members. Otherwise, he knew that I would be constantly questioning him about what he was doing and with whom, and he didn't want that. Who would? So we increased our personal allowances accordingly, and I now see nearly nothing related to his activities outside of his work, or meals with his family or our Ds. Are you set up with personal accounts in such a way that you could do that? Would your H agree to such an arrangement? If not, is there a way that you can refuse to pay his OW expenses out of your joint accounts?
As for the rest of it, there are things he will do that you really have no control over, as much as they p*ss you off. My H went and rented a big house for a lot of money in an area of town in which I wanted to live, but he had told me I couldn't look for a house there because he wouldn't live there. WTF? He is not supposed to have pets, although that is the only thing I asked him to consider when renting. When our cat died, he wouldn't let me get another one, but after he cared for D's cat while I was gone for 3 weeks, he didn't return him; he did, hoever, return our old, arthritic, allergic, very high maintenance dog. So now I'm the old W living in the old house with the old dog LOL. He is either passive-aggressive with this stuff, or he just plain doesn't think about how it affects me. I choose to believe the latter. Like believing H is MLC instead of WAH, it helps me to detach without anger. Can you believe that your H is so deep in the fog that he can't think of anyone but himself right now? He certainly seems that way to me. Would that shift in thinking help you to not take things so personally?
Mila, I know this is really hard. You were moving along so well, and then !!!! You will find your footing again. I know it. Let H go, and take care of yourself, in every way. Do what you need to do for YOU!
HUGS.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
