confused but then again hell who isn't

[dc329]

Hope I put this in the right area

My Husband told me this last weekend " I don't want to do this anymore" He is financially stressed and feels like he is the only one pulling the weight feels as if he will never get ahead. We have been married 17 months and have a D1. I have a S18. He has resentments towards my S and now that my S just got his GF pregnant he is even more upset. Out of anger I told him I would move out but then later after I had calmed down I thought I'm not going anywhere this is my home and I have a baby. I told hom that I would not agree to a divorce b/c his reasons were rediculous and solveable. Of course that didn't help. I told him I would fight for this, us, our family, our home. He took it as I'm going to rake him over the coals in court. He is ALWAYS so defensive. For the past 3 months we had been bickering back and fourth about my S, money, sex, our D alot of BS basically. Due to our bickering I get resentful and I don't feel like having sex and I pull away emotionally and shut down. All this has kinda just snowballed and I know I have allowed to let it get out of control. Truth is I don't really know how to be married and I'm kinda sucking at it I think. But I do love my husband and I know he loves me as he says so. He said no matter what He loves me, always will and I will always be his #1 priority due to our D.

He was affectionate the day after this meltdown and I asked why and he said he can see Im hurting and he will not ignore it. He still tells me he loves me. Then he sent me a text that he wanted a Divorce WTF really a text. Well I had an emotional day and started the crying and the blubbering and he started to shut down but he did agree to hold off on a D and just seperate he said he couldn't stay here though and would leave for a while but we could work on it. He said he resented having to leave a house he had to pay for and not be able to live in. He is still here but it hasn't even been a week yet.

We hadn't talked for two days I try to busy myself or be asleep when he gets in just to avoid conflict. So I started reading DBing and I am feeling better about me. I don't feel like crying and I think because I wated till I 36 to get married Im not terrified to be on my own and it's not hopelessly awful for me. I am very strong willed and now Im starting to question if I want to be in this. I love my family and my husband but there are some of his shinanigans that I'm not sure I want to deal with. He has a habit of having female friends and I feel the friendships are disrespectful to me to an extent. I do not believe he cheats but he needs to flirt to stroke his ego and he has to have the attention. These females come and go NONE of them have ever stuck around for more then 3 or 4 months the communication dwindles and it is on to the next one. They don't reciprocate the flirting they look at my husband as being a funny charming guy. It is usually his co-workers or women he meets due to his job. But it bothers me that my husband needs to have his ego stroked. I know he has low self esteem I just don't know why. It is upsetting to find that your husband can txt some woman random BS 50 times a day and Im lucky to get a text or two. Or that he is willing to give them relationship advice but not talk with me about ours. I know my husband has low self esteem even though he wont admit it. He used to say all the time "I don't know how I pulled you, your so out of my league" I just thought he was being silly but sometimes I do feel like he likes to show me off. I also knew my husban was a huge flirt when I met him so I accept it to an extent. He will flirt with them if they are 20 or 80 it does not matter age, color, looks, weight nothing he is just a flirt. I just think some of it is disrespectfull now that we are married and raising a family.

So today he calls after not talking for 2 days and he sounds happy so I sound happy back we talk random BS then he said he wanted to call because we haven't talked in a few days...no s**t ya think ( I did not say that). He said he just wanted to hear from me. When he ended the conversation he said good by, talk to ya later and I love you so I returned the I love you (not sure if that was ok) I dont want him to think Im a B. I feel like Im at a cross roads. I don't know if he is just freaking out and thinks running is a good option, if he is using this as a threat to effect change or if he is just a jerk who wants to bail on his family. Then I think well geeze if your so quick to bail out on us so soon in the game who says the next time you feel stressed I wont have to go through this again. Not sure if it is important but he is 7 years younger then me. I am looking to go back to work now that our D is 1 and my S moved out so I'm thinking maybe that wil relieve some of his stress. He asked me to spend the 4th with him at a BBQ he said he wanted me to go because he wanted me to have fun and because he wanted his wife there. He is so damned confusing and I don't want his confusion, confusing me.