MLC - standing by my man

[Mila]

Thank you SA, TG, Jack, Dudess, Mach, GAG, CW, SCH

TG - You are right, I still have expectations. I accepted the situation but I still expect my H to be considerate of my feelings and not to be cruel in his actions...I guess this is where I struggle....I get it that he doesn't want to be with me right now and wants to be with OW...I get it....but why not treat me with respect....why give me the receipts for his expenses with OW, why play tennis with her next to my house, why take her to our special place where we were married and ask me to answer his phone while he is gone and on and on. I don't know....if I did what he is doing (and I wouldn't) I would try to protect his feelings...and that's what I don't get...he doesn't care...unlike the person that I knew.

So you are right, I have to accept that fact...and let it all go. When I'm able to do that, that will free me...when I have no expectations whatsoever and won't let anything he does hurt me.

Jack -

You say his convictions have firmed up? Have you been pressuring him? Making him feel like crap? Curious...look deep with that answer

If I'm honest with you and with myself....sometimes I react to what he does....like sending the email about him taking OW to our special place....that must make him feel guilty


I'm working on my plan B...hopefully I can start my old/new career by the end of September...but it will take some months to build up enough income to be independent of him. In the mean time I have no choice but to stay in the business and do both for a while...

The positive is that I can do both jobs while I'm transitioning and the income that I'll eventually have from the new one will supersede what our business was giving us (If I work like a dog lol)

I can do this...just have to become "immune" to anything he does...:)

Dudess -

I don't think your H really believes that he may lose you for good, and maybe that is exactly the wake up call he needs to turn this around

In the past 2 months H is certainly behaving like he is done with me...ever since the OW made the "final" decision and committed to him there seems to be no more wavering or confusion...at least that is visible to me. I think that the previous comebacks only happened because she pulled back...it wasn't his decision and it wasn't what he wanted...he wanted her...now he has her. On the other hand I'm pretty sure that if/when the affair is over he will be back.

I like Gucci's post...that is absolutely right....MLC or WAS....and I did let him go, but not totally...because I still react to the way he treats me....and that is a form of control. So I must grow thicker skin and just let go no matter what he trows at me.

Mach - I did finally made the decision and sent him an email agreeing to answer the phone...so I guess I have decided that I won't let it bother me... Must separate the business from the personal...no choice

GAG -

The OW is just a "drug"......literally......a mood elevator, in the same way that a depressed person often self-medicates with alcohol or illegal drugs. Infatuation activates the addiction centers in the brain....dopamine if I recall correctly

I'm in total agreement...have been reading quite a bit on the subject myself.

CW - you are right I would do all of those things and did them when he was on business trips in the past. I would also have no problem doing it if we were separated and there wasn't OW. It's him being with OW that seems to be my issue....thanks for making me realize that.

SCH - You are right...they are both on antidepressants...so they can't be as happy and content as they appear...also the constant trips they are taking seem to indicate that they need to maintain a level of excitement to feel happy...they are still escaping...there has been no reality yet...she has no job...he is doing the bare minimums in his...she keeps leaving her kids weeks at the time...he is not parenting his D. Lets wait when they actually move in together and have to run a household, pay bills juggle child visitations and pay child support...that's when we will see what that relationship is made out of.

His favorite ice cream is chocolate and I'm the best darn chocolate ice cream he can get...when he gets tired of whatever he is having now LOL