I do know that I will get beyond this, have gotten very far just in the last year alone (I can look back and see). And I have faith that this too will pass. God has plans for me (as I know He does for each and all of us) -- I have full confidence in that. It may or may not entail some lucky lady to be my new partner, I don't know, and that's not the point.
But having said that, it is apparent that I am still going to be reminded of these things from time to time, certain holidays being major recollections for me. That's just the nature of it all. Something I will occasionally have to deal with, but I'm getting there.
The loss of my M is one thing. But the loss of my family is another; and it is the absence of my two children, my family, that I am really feeling most at the moment. That's not something I expect to ever get over. Not really.
But to be honest, I sometimes don't know how to express my thoughts and feelings here in these forums without everyone starting to worry that I am still "stuck". I am not going to carry on in denial about the things that affect my moods, I am as candid as I can be. But perhaps too candid.
I don't know.
But on the other hand, I realize that much of what I have said above sounds too much like the glass-is-half-empty talk. Some would say I should be grateful for the time I do have with my S's. And I do/am. I know that I appreciate the blessings that God has bestowed upon me because I have a wonderful life, even despite all the cr*p some people might dump on me.
I take the good with the bad, but I also take the bad with the good.
And like CTH said, taking the very words out of my mouth, Time heals. And my progress seems like the pace of the tortoise versus the hare. But at least I am moving steadily forward anyway.
I just need to voice myself at times, as my means for working through this.
