See, the less drastic approach would involve you detaching BIG TIME and GAL'ing. It's not that you no longer do anything with your W but now you let her come to you instead of asking her to go places with you.
Just because your W is in the house and sleeping in the bed it doesn't make it a good situation. Those really aren't positives if the rest of the time is spent fighting, R talking and basically living in a very stressful home.
Until you detach and stop trying to get your W to see things "your way" nothing will change. You have to start letting your W see that you are going to be fine either way and TODAY you start building a life for YOU.
You don't seem to have the strength to follow the "soft" plan because you get sucked in each time. The "harsh" plan is all done is one big swoop which IMO would be better for you as you can't stay on the "soft" plan approach for any length of time.
Get the time lines out of your head. Everybody says affairs don't last and my H's is lasting just fine and the live together. Maybe some affairs fizzle in a year or so but not all. So 12 weeks, 4 months... whatever!
