WAH and LBW separated and dark

[Coach]

you know, i wish i could share my baking with everyone here.
i'm taking a baking class and i have all this baking in my freezer.
there is no way i can eat all of it.
i promised my co-workers that i would bring a fully iced/decorated cake on monday.
but there are cupcakes and another cake sitting in my freezer occupying space.
hmm. would a local soup kitchen take it?

this forum is therapy for me.
when i start responding to other posts, i can see that the advice given to me is sinking in.

i know i deserve better. i know i will be okay in the end.
i have to take care of my mental state because i'm stuck in this "all about me" mode that i have neglected my family and i forget to say thank you to them.
i have put them on an emotional rollercoaster as well - today i want a baby, tomorrow i want a house, and next month i want to apply for my master's degree, and i can also pick up and move to San Fran or wherever.

i need to be mentally ready when my L calls and schedules the mediation session with h and his L.
i need to be detached and strong. i cannot be a doormat.

but i need to remember that i need to have faith that i will be okay - but i have to face the brutal facts of my current reality.

i watched the Last Lecture given by Randy Pausch several times over the last month. i took away the following:

"brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.
brick walls let us show our dedication. They are there to separate us from the people who don’t really want to achieve their childhood dreams. Don’t bail. The best of the gold’s at the bottom of barrels of crap."
(yes, db-ing is hard. i am reminded that this is another brick wall that is in my way. i will encounter many brick walls in life. how bad do i want it?)

"when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care."
(the folks here have been helping me so much. when it goes silent, you know they don't care. but i know they do.)

"Apologize when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself."
(this is my problem as if late. i have focused too much on me, and not on others - and i don't mean h. i need to look at the others around me and show gratitude.)

"If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you."
(have faith and things will be okay in the end. i want to lead my life the right way and stay true to who i am. i lost myself over the last 6 months. i need find that person in me again.)

Good way to start the weekend.

Posting to others is good.

I like the "Last Lecture."
TED Talks are good to get you thinking as well.

Focus on the process not the outcome.


Cheers