That her walking was in her mind a "pre emptive strike" if you will,before I could do it to her, because my emotional withdrawl from her in her mind was a metaphor for ME "walking away"
that explains what she did. do you understand why she did it? not what you think but from her perpsective how you look?
the A-Ha moment comes when you see how you look to her not when you can identify her issues (how she looks to you).
Yes, I can see ME from her perspective, even though I do think it was a completley skewed and unfair perspective on somethings.
Was I emotionally withdrawn ?? ABSOLUTELY. Did I do it on purpose or maliciously or realize it ?? NO !
But all the other stuff, the being laid off, staying with the kids while she went back to work, doing everything I could think of to keep a roof over our heads( including bankruptcy) and still remembering the "little things" like compliments, random flowers, Valentines Day, etc from MY perspective was an H that was frustrated and depressed and doing what he thought would work to try to hold everything together, except obviously the R.
I KNOW the mechanics of what happened and why. I CANT understand why she would choose to walk instead of fight, other then her saying she was just "tired". I just finished The Five Love Languages Mens Edition and its clear as day that her "tank" was on Empty.
This is doubly hard for to take since I found the diary she wrote to me when she was in the hospital last fall recovering from the baby where she wrote that she felt this was coming, that she DID NOT want that to happen, and needed me to do things. But she NEVER gave it to me !!
And thats one thing that definetly is driving me crazy !!! I SOOOOO want to ask her WHY !???!! WHY didnt you make sure you gave this to me when I could have done something about it or at least been aware of how you were feeling ?!!?!?!? She even wrote that she thought I was clueless about how she was feeling at that time ( which I obviously was ). Its almost like she expected me to read her mind or something. I just cant get my head around the idea of why write stuff that was clearly intended for me to see, was written to me, and was the only way she could see to try to reach me and then NEVER give it to me
