Nothing fits

[mishka422]

I'm trying, really I'm trying. My instincts of fight or flight are strong and my way of flight is to just shut down and not let him in. Unfortunately, I don't compartmentalize well and that goes on to shut everyone else out as well. All or nothing kind of stuff.

He sent me a flurry of texts this morning, mad as a hornet, because he went to pick up his glasses and they told him they weren't ready (they were supposed to be ready by 5pm yesterday)because the machine broke. He got mad and asked them why the heck they didn't bother to just call him and tell him they would be delayed and they didn't have an answer for that. He was fuming. I just tried to diffuse him before he blew a gasket but that's hard to do via text while I'm working. Finally, he called me a little later to tell me that he was miffed and those people are inept, but he was already in a foul mood so it made it worse. Then he said, "I'm sorry about last night. It really isn't you. I've got a lot of junk rattling around in my head and it was really getting to me. Call it male PMS." My response? "Ok. Just understand that when you get like that and shut me out it affects me too." He said he understood that. I still have no idea what set him off and I won't be finding out. He doesn't talk about his feelings....ever......to anyone.

PMS is something I can get behind, I've never known many men to have something similar but Gabe......he has always been moody. My mom used to comment to me that he had PMS. He admits it too.

His explanations don't mean I'm going to just be all happy go lucky, open, blah blah blah with him though. It taught me a lesson. My behavior to him will be direct mirror of his toward me from now on. If he's being moody and depressed and crazy then I will avoid him. If he's being kind and loving then he can expect the same from me.