Excellent stuff. So much of it I will have to steal and keep in a file to read when I need it or when I doubt myself.
Serenity I love that post...Dday did I read that right? Another baby on the way! Wow!
I waited way too long and used every excuse in the book:
*My kids' lives will be turned upside down
*If I expose to his friends he will hate me and be gone for good
*If I expose at work (ow was coworker and they had apparently been 'warned' for 'collaborating too closely' considering both were married and she was a subordinate) H will lose his job and stay-at-home mom ME will have no money to support herself, will lose the house, etc etc
*If I tell family members they will turn against him and make it hard to ever get back together (sadly I waited seven months after he moved out the second time, which was 18 months from when the A-bomb dropped, to tell anyone besides my parents and siblings~so hard to live life with such a big secret!)
*If I am nice enough, if I am loving enough, if I am 'good' enough he will see the error of his ways. I can't force him to choose because what if he doesn't choose me?
I would give a lot to be able to go back in time to the day I found him in the hotel room with her. If I could I would turn around, walk out, drive the 5 hours back home (yep I was snooping, got intel, then drove from KC to STL to bust him on a 'business trip' cause I am crazy like that). I would have filed immediately and not let him back in the house unless he brought the law with him and made me let him in. You get the idea, I would have done almost everything differently. But water is under the bridge so no point dwelling.
If you are just getting into this or are fairly new, don't do what I did!!!! Set them free for real, not as an agenda to win them back. And if you have been around as long as me, it's never too late to change for yourself, even if you don't reconcile.
And yes it feels good to be able to breathe again and to walk without hearing the crunch of eggshells...
