You can't win no matter how hard you try to think thru all the "whys." You keep running down "cheeseless tunnels."
Until you understand what is attractive and stir her positive feelings then you will remain stuck.
I tried it your way as well. I knew all the reasons it wasn't me and was my wifes problems. I just made things worse. Let me know when you want to try something that works.
Cheers
OF COURSE I want to do what works Coach. By journaling things as they come up or I realize something about the sitch and the WAW's behavior and a possible explanation for it isnt what I would define as "obsessing" so much as me having developed so much more awareness and going back and trying to put all the pieces together in the hopes of gaining insight or perhaps an "A-HA" moment.
Like the light bulb that went on for me the other day that I posted about. That her walking was in her mind a "pre emptive strike" if you will,before I could do it to her, because my emotional withdrawl from her in her mind was a metaphor for ME "walking away"
