The other reason you want to covet a cell phone even if you have cleared it of messages is because NEW messaegs come IN
When my wife was cheating on me and we were driving someplace and she was driving her cell phone rang, I reached into her purse to hand the cell to her and she SCREAMED
"LEAVE IT ALONE!!!"
Kind of a red light there for me eh? lol
Unless your H locks teh cell entirely he needs to protect it from incoming messages... don't forget that...
You can work to make the home more inviting for him, but that's still his choice to acknowledge it or ignore it...
The foolish thing is there are people half way around the world that would give their right arm to have what he does, and he's spitting on it daily... I know its frustrating...
I did think of the new message thing, but geez...who is going to do that kind of texting at 6am?! Who knows.
And yes - many people would give their right arm for exactly what he wants to ditch. Just shows how unreasonable all of this is.
I just read the thread on letting go and reminded myself that I'm not supposed to care about what he's thinking or his reasons! I guess it's because in my circumstances, H is so up and down that it keeps me up and down as to whether I should be letting go or what! Bottom line is, I have to remind myself that it doesn't matter what HE is doing, I am to be GAL of my own, regardless! Easy in philosphy - harder emotionally when someones changes their mind daily.
The thing is, his emotions are in flux right now.. He has no tools to process, and no education to even understand what's going on in his head... He's a roller coaster with a time bomb attached to it...
The more you get INTO his HEAD to understand him the more STRESSED and ANXIOUS YOU GET...
The best thing you can do for yourself, your family, AND HIM is to get OUT of his head and focus on enjoying your OWN LIFE... particularly now with him going to a FT... The FT can deal with this objectively and not get sucked into his mental soap opera.. you can't...
Until you can deal with his emotions in an intense state of flux without getting sucked into the drama yourself then you need to steer clear of him...
You have Three teenage kids, this is the exact same principle... When teenagers get dramatic, parents just back up and wait for the storm to settle and THEN they deal with it... HARD... THey don't get sucked into that teenage BS... They KNOW it won't help...
SOme of your kids are probably up and down every other day too aren't they? I bet you don't get fraeked out over that, you are able to DEAL... you have to accept you have a fourth teenager right now and work the same principles to deal with it... Or you wil DROWN...
For some reason people coming here don't or can't think that way about their SPOUSE.. they get sucked right in despite their children educating them to how destructive that is...
That's the thing though: my teens aren't like this at all! I have 3 teenagers that, believe it or not, are calm, well-adjusted, happy kids! My oldest (DD) and I have always gotten along famously. Even if we don't agree on something we respect each other and deal with it effectively. Same goes for my boys: they are 90% respectful 90% of the time and the 10% is rare. My teens AREN'T up and down like this - they are very level. My H on the other hand.... geez!!! lol
Don't get me wrong - I don't have perfect kids, but we have great relationships because I've done my darnest to raise them well and deal with issues well. Why I can't do is as effectively with H I don't know. Well, except that he was raised to detach when things got hard - not to work through them.
Well, you then have some experience with this for the other 10%... Your H needs that experience from you right now.... You need to learn how to apply that experience you got in that rare 10% of the time on your H right now...
I did get an email, which I expected, but it wasn't what I expected. It was fairly pleasant and an attempt to connect. No emotional content, but wondering if I would like to do something this weekend and smiley faces...and thanking me for his bday gift....and have a great day....
Talk about whiplash! (Not that I think this was overwhelmingly "sweet" but just different from what I expected and how he was last night.)
NO: I'm not analyzing it and not going to try to. Just sharing.
It sounded like "him" and the way he's gone back and forth the last months from being distant to trying to stay involved. That's why I really did expect some sort of morning email from him. (I was expecting him to be more serious because of the distant way he acted last night though.)
Although, I can't imagine the FT would recommend anything to him other than being nice/trying to stay connected. I'd imagine she would tell him that he needs to be more open, etc... I've been gone all afternoon and it's now after 6:00 on a Friday so I imagine she's not in the office any longer to call and ask her.
