((IDU)) You have grown and you will continue to grow. Your children will be blessed b/c they have a father who loves them very much. I know you are thinking about the time you won't be with them, but with all this technology....they will be TM you all the time! They will know you are as close as their fingertips.
This too shall pass, IDU.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I feel for you too, IDU. The kids are my only concern in my sitch as well. It sickens me to think that they will have to deal with a broken family. I pray they will be OK.
But despair and worry over them does not help matters at all; it only makes things worse from a psychological perspective. We have to pray and trust that God will take care of us and provide us with a brighter future.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
I was scared for a long time too. My sitch has been going on since January 3rd. A day that will live in infamy for me. I was sorry that I hurt her and blamed myself almost entirely for the situation. I was so scared that she was going to leave me and sometimes I think I sealed my own fate with my ridiculous pursuit. Others have told me her mind was made-up long ago.
Although I did my 180's, I was weak and needy until she actually filed for divorce. That snapped me into reality pretty quickly and she was surprised at the speed with which I began to make financial and other changes.
You've just got to turn that corner and accept your fate. I know it is hard and probably harder with 4 kids rather than only 2, but it is the only way out of the hole. I know, I was in mine for 5 months......
It sickens me to think that they will have to deal with a broken family.
What should disturb you more is if they have to deal with a broken parent (You). Your actions and how you handle this are teaching them what it means to be a parent, how to be a man, and so on.
You just have to have to decide to do what is right no matter how you feel. It's OK to feel sad, angry, and so on. It's not OK to act out of sadness, anger, desperation, and so on. Time to really, really step up.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/02/1004:28 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Sandi, thanks so much for the kind words. You were there for me very early in my sitch and I wasn't ready to hear what you had to say. Thanks for trying and not giving up on me. I am growing and will continue to become a better person and father.
Pigskin, you have probably posted the most to me. I know you understand about the kids as well as anyone. I do pray and trust in God to give me strength to get through this. I don't post as much because I know what need to happen. Sometimes it helps just to talk it out, you know? Thanks for being there for me and understanding.
I know a man (much older than me) whose first wife cheated on him, so he divorced her.
He married another woman soon after his divorce who had two children (I don't know what became of them), and soon they had a daugher of their own.
This man's 2nd wife also cheated on him repeatedly. He was very angry, desperate, and so on. One time when she cheated on him, he even took a gun to threaten the man he suspected she was cheating with at the time.
Now, I don't know everything that went on behind those closed doors, but I know their daughter grew up (she is my age), and she has married and divorced 5 times and has 3 kids with 3 different fathers. And she is currently living with her father and mother (yes, the father and the cheating mother are still together).
When you get down to brass tacks, your children are the last thing you should use as an excuse to not stand up for what is right and honorable and good.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/02/1004:38 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
It sickens me to think that they will have to deal with a broken family.
What should disturb you more is if they have to deal with a broken parent (You). Your actions and how you handle this are teaching them what it means to be a parent, how to be a man, and so on.
You just have to have to decide to do what is right no matter how you feel. It's OK to feel sad, angry, and so on. It's not OK to act out of sadness, anger, desperation, and so on. Time to really, really step up.
You are 100% correct and I totally agree.
That's part of the reason I stay here; I know I need to get past the anger and bitterness. I still need some help in that area. I am making strides. I will not try to hurt her even though part of me wants her to hurt. It would only reinforce her feelings towards me even more.
It would only reinforce her feelings towards me even more
.
You shouldn't even be worrying about her feelings toward you unless she's practically trying to beat down your door to win you back. And then you should be careful.
She has her feelings, you have yours, but whatever happens, do what is right and honorable.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/02/1005:17 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I guess I missed your post this morning. Thanks for the kind words. You are right, I am angry. I have to move on. No more second guessing myself.
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Please do the proper research on how to tell them, and what to tell them, before you say anything you regret.
I will. They are my main focus now.
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Only one quibble with your approach: it is NOT your responsibility to -- nor would I advocate -- tell your wife what YOUR attorney says. It's not YOUR job to educate HER on the legalities of breaking up her family.
Like I always say, there's a reason they put that little "v" in between the name of the parties. Be design, it's an adversarial system.
Understood. Thanks so much.
BTW, my band has a gig this weekend and we have added some Poco, Flying Burrito Brothers and a few others that will hopefully surprise people and make them say, "wow, that's a great song I had forgot about and never hear a band play."
BTW, my band has a gig this weekend and we have added some Poco, Flying Burrito Brothers and a few others that will hopefully surprise people and make them say, "wow, that's a great song I had forgot about and never hear a band play."
I was just listening to "Rose of Cimmarron" and "Chimes of Freedom" (Byrds version) on my iTunes last nite. Would love to find a download of "Company's Comin'" -- probably my favorite Poco tune -- but iTunes doesn't have it.
