I think exposure backfired?

[AntoniaB]

No I guess it hasn't been that long, it just feels like it has.

As for intel I am pretty confident I know everything. When I confronted him about the possibility of the OW, he gave me plenty of info. In fact he seemed to want to give me every little detail. He said several times that he needed to divulge all of it so I'd know what I was dealing with. He said repeatedly that the only physical part of the rel. happened over a two week period, and that if I looked back, that coincided with his insomnia, because the guilt was eating away at him. He said "I will answer any question you have honestly." So I asked away. There really is no one else to gather info from because he truly kept it hidden but for one other person who was the one who confronted him (a coworker) who then told him when he came clean to her that he HAD to tell me before things got further. He and I have never been able to keep secrets. This was the first time he ever kept a secret from me and he was incapable of keeping it for very long.

I don't think there is more to it, simply because he seems very unwilling right now to actually take steps to file for divorce, and he knows that if I knew that there was more, I'd probably be the one to file, so that would remove a very difficult task for him to undertake. It would only rush things along for HIM if there were more. So there can't really be more. He showed a tremendous amount of guilt before he left, now, he's not.

The screwy thing is that now that he told what he did and moved out, it's like his guilt is not apparent. He seems to think it's ok that he has continued the affair because he is not living with me. But yet, he is still my husband. He is seeing her in public, it is getting around, and he is clearly embarrassed, but rather than own up to saying he is morally wrong because he is NOT making moves to divorce me, he is blaming me for it getting out when I've had nothing to do with it. I guess again, that is the addiction talking.

So I think for me while I can't get angry yet, I also have to be more objective with him. He knows where I stand, so I need to stop saying it because it gets me nowhere. I think I need to keep reading the detachment stuff to work at that harder.