I spent the last 3 days with her begging and asking for forgivness. She is so messed up on pain pills she doesnt know what is going on. She married the guy she just met. Married him. She said that they went to the JP and then went to the airport and she came home(she had a doc appoint to get more pills) so the marriage is not even consumated yet. Whatever, i dont care if it is or isnt. She told me this was fixable. We had sex twice and I bought her a bunch of stuff. So she walked all over me. I am doing better now. I really am. She left today to go back to austin. Her parents said she couldnt stay with them anymore. She was too crazy. It hurts me but this is insane to left someone do this to me. She knows I am hurt. She doesnt even really know the new guy she married (2 weeks) I dont know what happened to the girl I fell in love with. She is not there anymore. She really has lost her mind. The more I was around her the less I wanted her to be in my life. I will not kill myself. Sorry for those stupid thoughts. I will not call her or contact her again. The last letter that she wrote me yesterday i will post you can read it if you want. She was a good girl, not a slut, she has always had a pill problem it is just out of control. No one in her family wants her to stay with them. She says one moment she is getting the marriage annulled and the next that she is confused. I am not defending her but this was a good,nice sweet girl whom I really loved. She is not there.My Dearest Jeff, I have loved you unconditionally for nine years. Yes, we have had our good and bad times, our ups and our downs. We both have let our pride and egos get in the way of our true feelings toward each other. Yes, I have put a small wall up because it is so hard for me to be so vulnerable with you. For this I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I know that God put us together. We have so much in common, in fact, I believe God created you for me and me for you. Don’t ever give up hope! I am doing a lot of praying and I expect you to do the same. Get on your knees, pray out loud to God and do not get up until you feel His presence. Ask Him to guide, help and remove these feelings of hopelessness and despair. I have to do quite a bit of soul searching right now. I am very confused. I promise I will not leave you hanging. Since you have been dating, I truly believed that you no longer loved me. I know better now. Thank you for the poem and all of the emails. They meant the world to me in that I never knew you felt that way about me. You are a brilliant, loving, kind, handsome, smart, witty person. You have everything going for you. Think things through. Rely on Jesus. Who wants to live in this world without you in it. Certainly not me and your daughter, son and parents would be devastated. If you decide to end your life, I will blame myself for the rest of my life. There will be no healing for me, Katy , Colby, your brothers or your parents. I just ask for some time. I believe in you. I always have. I always will!! You are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. Keep the faith. Fight the good fight. Love you Always, The letter made me feel better at first but she lies so bad now that I cant believe anything she says. She looks awful. It makes me sick to see her like this. She says she is scared that I will not change and not verbally abuse her. I cant tell any people that I know this true story because they would think that I was crazy myself that I still cared about her.
