Thanks for the recommendation, FM. It still breaks my heart to even have to think about telling them.
Thanks for following along. I don't get much traffic here anymore. I know I have been given the advice on what to do and was too scared to do it. Now that I have told her I will not live like this and, for the first time, following through with things, I am relieved and nervous at the same time. I don't walk around dealing with the overwhelming anxiety anymore. I am not afraid of pissing my W off. I'm not even concerned that she will not "wake up" and go ahead with the D.
My worries are completely about our four young, innocent, wonderful kids. Even under the best circumstances, I am going to miss out on 50% of their lives. I know others do the same every day and love their kids as much as I do. I will have to make the best of a bad situation. I have no other choice.
I have realized that I have mourned the loss of my W and my marriage. I still hold out some hope for a new and better relationship with my W, but have finally faced reality. I have let her go and am giving her what she says she wants. If she has her epiphany like I did when she told me she wasn't in love with me, great. I do have a little bit of hope left, I admit. I know I should have done it long ago and might have increased the odds in my favor. If she doesn't, I really have accepted that, too.
I know I will be okay. I know I deserve more than a few crumbs here and there. The kids also deserve better.
I could really use a pick me up for a different reason today, guys.
