I am around, just danged busy. I saw my two S's off this morning, they're starting their week with their mother. She'll have them for the holiday weekend, again.
Just when I think I can manage my time away from S9 and S5, thinking it's "only a week", I have got this heartsickness gnawing inside of me, seeing that I am not there with them as their father every day, like I feel I should. My sense of justice kicks in and I wonder, yet again, why a parent and their child are forced apart by circumstances they never bargained for. I again find myself appalled at the unfairness of it all. The insanity of it all.
I guess it's the holiday weekend that seems to magnify this feeling. I should be thrilled to have the time off, even if it is without my little ones to share it with, but I am having a hard time shaking it.
And to add insult to injury, tomorrow, the 3rd, would have been my 19th wedding anniversary...
I had thought us very clever to line up a wedding date so that our anniversaries would always be right before a major national holiday. My thought had been that we would always plan to have July 3 off and thus have the 3rd and 4th off back to back -- with two consecutive nights of "fireworks" every year.
Now? I am thinking that was a very stupid idea. Very stupid, all around. Any thoughts I have for the Independence Day holiday now automatically draw my mind to the M. If it had been on some otherwise non-descript day, I could more easily forget. <sigh>
(Let that be a lesson for ya', kiddies!)
I am trying to find out what some of my friends are doing this weekend, those I know will be bereft of their own kids as well this week. Perhaps some of us can do another cook-out or take in a ball-game. I need to do something to take this stuff off my mind.
