The year of not my problem

[AJM]

Journaling: Was in a reflective mood for the past few days. I feel like I'm coming out of that. Moving on.
Earlier in the week STBX sent me a revised edition of the sep agreement and in it, changed much of what we had discussed. She was acting "weird" but I've come to expect that. She was also pushing me to get a lawyer sooner rather than later. I see no reason to work on her schedule. At all. I already know I cannot agree to the sep as written. She seemed to think it was the same as we had discussed and I had to ask if she even read it. Go figure. I realize this is her MLC, but can't help and I know it. I know I can't be treated this way no matter the reason.
I barely feel anything towards her any longer. I had anger. I had loathing. I still do sometimes, but mostly it's just not much of an emotion towards her other than annoyance. And defensiveness because I know I have to defend against some of this.
Still saddens me sometimes to see this formerly wonderful person do these things. I realize it's something she is going to do and likely has to do, but I also realize I do not know her. She is a stranger and I have to treat her as such. The sadness comes from her reminding me of somebody I used to know.

Big weekend planned with the kids. Should be fun. They are spending time with their mom tomorrow which I still see as a good thing for the kids. I'm glad I didn't just burn everything to the ground when the chance was there. I'm very glad for their sake. Hers as well. It's who I am and while many friends tell me to take action against her etc, I don't feel that is the right thing to do for me. I do not hate her. I sometimes feel sorry for her, and I get angry when she mistreats the kids, but that doesn't seem abnormal to me.

I've changed as well. I've grown quite a bit and I can feel myself growing again. I think that's part of why the reflectiveness.

Happy Fourth of July!
AJ