I've been married 11 years to my wife, and we have 2 daughters, ages 8 and 5. After another weekend where she was distant to me, I asked her the essential question: Are you happy? She said no, but she didn't want to talk about it since she had to get up to work early. I couldn't sleep very well and woke up around 2am, went and watched a movie downstairs.
When she got up, she saw me, and I told her I couldn't sleep. Then I asked her if she loved me, and she said "Of course I do, you're the father of my children." Even an idiot like me could see real trouble ahead. She said we would talk when she got home from work.
After putting the kids to bed, we sat down, and I got the ILYBINIWY speech. She said we've grown apart, and she didn't "love me the way a wife should love a husband." I was devastated.
This wasn't out of left field though. I had known that she wasn't happy with parts of our marriage, and neither was I. We just were never able to make the changes needed to be happy.
I'm pretty sure there's no OM. I haven't seen anything that would lead me to think there is, or has been. She's 36 and I'm 46, and I'm on my second marriage. This is her first.
I'm confused, hurt, lonely, and don't know what to do. Reading the forums the last week has made me feel so sad for everyone here who has gone through so much pain.
I don't want to give up, though I think she's halfway there. I'm focusing on NOT pursuing her, just trying to give her as much space as I can, given that we're still in the same house. I've been dieting and walking to get in better shape, and trying to think in terms of 180s.
The hardest part for me is that she's always thought of me as unaffectionate, and withdrawn. So my natural urge now is to be attentive and affectionate, despite the fact that this is going to make her feel pressured and pursued. But if I don't give her attention, she'll think that it's more of the same...
We've gone to one counseling meeting with our pastor, and we've also had one meeting with a marital counselor.
