Setting them free

[dday101798]

Hey Puppy, I kinda like the way TimeHeals thinks. I nominate him to be a member of the secret society of DB Pinheads.

I second the motion! Dday, too! All those in favor???

I'm not sure whether to be flattered or insulted?

Anywho..........

Skimming through all that's been posted since I was last on yesterday, I did see one thing that bothers me, the request of a "hope" thread, mainly "how long it takes the WAS to "come out of the fog".

Bad idea.

Why?

Because, to me, that would intsill upon the LBS the sense that, "oh, so that's how it goes, if I just let my WAS do whatever it is they are doing, we'll clean in all up in 'X' months and then reconcille and life will be good". And in the meantime, the LBS will not do any of the neccessary work of themselves, correct their faults of bad habit they've fallen into over the course of marriage and guess what? Nothing will have changed on either side and you are destened for failure of mass proportions. To say anything of the fact that the approach would be completely ridiculing the whole DB premise and every thread might as well just be a journal of how often the LBS' picked their arse today with 'X' amount of days until the WAS is 'coming home', yippie! <sigh>

Second issue, going back to the whole MLC thing.......

I would say at one time, like the 60's and 70's, MLC would have been a valid term due to the average life expectancy. Even today, we see a lot of changes within ourselves after exiting our 20's. We find ourselves with house payments, kids, careers and all and we realize, "crap, I'm a full blown adult". However, now, versus then, we find a lot of folks in their low mid 30's 'partying' more, or making mass career changes more often than the fabled running out and buying a red Corvette and trying to bag someone 15 years our junior.

To me, "MLC" is now just another medical term as HDD. And having 2 boys, one claimed to have ADD, I certify from my own daily knowledge, there is no such thing as ADD, it's kids being kids just like when I was a kid. Plain and simply, just a marketing strategy to make the drug companies money.

Again, my whole point with "is my WAS in MLC?" thing to me is very discouraging because then the LBS is using this as their DB "tatic" of sorts and again, violates the whole point of DB'ing. The only situation that a tatic can apply is obviously infidelity, and requiring a battle plan to cope and crush the affair.

But, is it really neccessary?

I did nothing to crush the affair. It took me a long time, but I did what should be done. I worked on me, sometimes very subconsciensly, I let her go, dropped the rope and gave her what she "wanted": a life without me in it in any capacity.

And, obviously, what she "wanted", isn't what she wanted. She's back, committed and focused.

Enough said.