Gucci, my stbxh told me he has uncertainty about filing for D and will alwasys have doubts that this is the right decision (he is living with OW though). I want to "set him free" and "set me free" by doing so but DAMN IT am feeling stuck since he told me that. It gives me hope and I really can't have hope if I want to detach (that is me, I think). Any advice on how I can let go knowing this?
Unstuck yourself and him. I know for myself that I don't and have never shared my lovers with another person. Game over. When we talk boundary setting THAT is the only boundary to me. You crossed the boundary. Game over. No other secondary boundaries are necessary. Let's get to the REAL boundary here you crossed. It was the boundary of I DON'T share. It isn't the boundary of I won't pay for your cell phone if you are textin him.. That only is avoiding the real boundary here. We BOTH agreed to this boundary when we decided to be exclusive. Game over now.
It frees me because of that standard and line in the sand. Nothing more to talk about or figure out on my end. Takes the pressure off of me and puts it on them. Divorce would be filed in a heartbeat. Shows confidence and self esteem. If they want someone else, then have at it.. Totally free to be with them.. HOWEVER, you can't have ME too. I WILL be perfectly fine without you. I am a big boy. There are millions of women that would love to have a man like me and treat me really really well and be a great partner with me. If I go into a restaurant and they don't have what I want to order, should I cry, whine, beg and tell them that it is my mistake? Do I say that I am not going to eat again? Do I say I am not quite ready to make another choice that IS on the menu? Do I leave without eating and make myself miserable and keep focusin on why they didn't have what I wanted and what can I do about it?
Nope.. I say to the waiter or waitress.."Ok, well I will have the (second choice) instead.. I don't whine, I don't complain and I don't hang on for hope that I couldn't have what I first wanted. Maybe my second choice will turn out to be the better choice anyway... "MMMMM, that was a great meal" I say after it is served and eaten....
Get it? I am perfectly fine with another choice. I don't get upset if what I thought I wanted isn't available. I then go on happily with my life. My tummy is full.
I let go of what I wanted and found another choice..
Quit holding onto something so tight that God has to pry it out of your hands to show you a lesson in your life. Let it go Find another choice. Life is good. One moment at a time. Be happy. Stay happy.
Even if YOU do file for divorce, we already know that if at some point he comes back that you can marry again. No biggie. It has happened before and will happen again. At least you released him. So be it.
