Completely Blindsided

[blind]

OK, so I'm starting to realise that I'm spending too much time moping... but I'm not really sure how to stop.

I've not managed to catch up on the sleep I missed, and it's not for want of trying. I am burning the candle at as many ends as it has in an effort to get tired enough to sleep, but it's not working.

I just can't stop thinking about her, and us. I'm trying to make plans and set goals, but it all just seems so futile.

I got my license... so now what? I don't feel like I can share it with her.

It hasn't changed my life any. Everything is feeling empty and pointless. I'm living with my parents and sounding like a teenager. It's pathetic.

The only bit of me she sees is always upbeat and happy... and I'm trying to GAL and get out of the house as much as possible, seeing people, doing things, trying new stuff... it just doesn't sink in like it's supposed to.

I've been toying with goal lists the last little while but nothing is really coming. Nothing feels like it'll satisfy. It scares me to say, but the best I've felt in the last 2 months was when I passed out after stabbing myself. Yes this sounds melodramatic and attention seeking, and I'm really not. I'm not planning on doing anything stupid... I'm just having trouble seeing the point at the moment.

Going out dancing again tonight, maybe I'll post something more positive when I get home.