That is not the case.I am just telling you what lies ahead. So many of you are saying "tell her to leave" when legally I cannot.
I have thought about it long and hard and I am at the point where I am ready to let her go as so many of you suggested BUT there are so many variables involved that it is not that easy (for me at least because I am living it).
Lets be clear I am not making excuses but providing the facts before us.
I will look into counseling again and this time use my insurance. I spoke with a co-worker tonight and I feel more comfortable about this now.
CG since we are both in NYS you know as I do there is no such thing as no-fault divorce. W cannot make claims of any incident prior to our marriage and even then she would need to provide occurrences. So the route she has to take is separation for a year that will turn into a divorce once the year has concluded. I heard from someone that they have made divorce that much harder in NYS that judges are forcing couples to one year marriage counseling before divorce can be finalized, so I heard...
I know divorces are messy and costly and I do not want to go through that hence why I am DBing.
You aren't DB'ing. What makes you think you've done any DB'ing?
You are doing things in your situation based on her reactions.
You are afraid to lose her.
She knows you're afraid to lose her.
She doesn't respect you.
Ask her to leave, don't "tell her", ask her. You can tell her that "this isn't working out" and then you can "ask her to leave".
Stop making up so many excuses.
You won't ask her to leave because you're afraid she'll do it. You're afraid to lose her. You're afraid you'll push her out the door as you've mentioned a few times already.
You also mentioned that your situation is unique, if I had a nickel every time a poster on this site said that LOL!
What is so "unique" about your situation compared to the countless others on this site?
You're not unique, your situation is just the same as nearly every other situation on this site.
Gucci has given you excellent advice but you're afraid to make use of it. He even started a new thread on this site that pretty much everyone can make use of - it works, for pretty much every situation.
Divorces are messy and costly for both spouses, not just you, you keep thinking that this will only affect you, it won't, it will affect her also.
And another thing, there is no such thing as being forced to go to marriage counselling for one whole year, that is a lot of marriage counselling, I don't think many couples ever go that long and I doubt anyone could be forced to attend counselling.
Let her go, you were given the speech template, use it, drop the rope and move on. She has a place she can go and you have the home you're currently in, after a year of separation she can obtain the divorce, you don't have to do it for her, let her do it all herself, if she wants out so much, let her go, if you really love her, let her go, she's not happy with you and happiness is a DIY job and she needs to learn that, you can't do that for her and you will continue to fail as you have been doing trying to make her happy.
Letting her go and moving on with your life is what you need to do and you've been given that advice from quite a few of us. Stop this insanity of kissing her butt and trying to keep her and save your marriage, continuing to do this is going to get you more of the same results you've had thus far.
You want different results, do something different. Your wife wants OUT, she doesn't want this marriage anymore, she wants freedom from you, give it to her, give her the one thing you haven't given her yet and give yourself the same gift.
Once you give her freedom from you and the marriage, you may very well see that this freedom for her will not feel at all like she thought it would feel like and she may very well want to come back and work WITH you instead of against you on this marriage when it's HER choice to do so and NOT forced on to her as it is right now.
