Oh and one more thing. Re. being the 'rescuer': she said to look at how frustrated I get when I see MIL swooping into the rescue. I point out how she is insulating him, protecting him to the point that he does not feel the ramifications of his actions. And as much as that bothers me I need to realize that is what I have been doing, too. Even when I do it for the kids' sake.
For example on the child care thing. She said, if he had taken the kids in that next morning without setting it up, maybe the kids WOULD have missed out on breakfast. Maybe Nathan wouldn't have gotten to go swimming because he didn't pack a swimsuit, etc. etc. However, the kids' unhappiness and discomfort would have fallen entirely on Dan as the parent responsible at the time. And chances are if Dan experienced that ONCE he would catch on quick and it wouldn't happen again. So the kids' inconvenience for one day would be worth the increased responsibility it would force Dan to take on...
