Surviving the Big D STINKS!

[newmama]

Mrs. A! Did you succeed at NOT calling Mr. A? Good for you for setting your mind to not calling him, even though who cares at this point. Your pride I guess :-)I get that!

...now why would he block you from calling? That is very rude! Is OW still around or something? Did his L tell him? You guys weren't fighting right? strange.

Is your wedding anniversary 7/28? because that is mine, too!

Now about how to respond to the second circle who tell you to move on, etc. Well that is what we are "supposed" to say to people who get "dumped" or divorced right? So I wouldn't read too much into it. And maybe you trash talked Mr. A for the same reason....because you are "supposed to." What do you think?

When I tell people and they say that stuff to me (those who aren't close friends), I think I will just say "thank you." because they are complimenting us. I think they would want to check me into a looney bin if I said "BUT WAIT! He won't be doing this forever! He really isn't a bad guy!" So why bother?

Oh and something else I have noticed. Let's say you guys reconcile...the same people who said "you are better off" (the 2nd circle) mostly likely will say "that's terrific! but be careful....take it slow..." and they won't say "wtf?" (our close friends and family might,lol!)

So I don't know. I guess I want to "set Mr. A free" - but not just because I lost the drive to keep trying.

Sigh.

That's why I like how Gucci called it "setting ourselves free." Losing the drive isn't giving up the fight, it is deciding to put the drive into ourselves instead of them. I am feeling this for myself finally! So I am not being a hippocrate, haha!

Now what is it that caused you to lose the drive in trying to get Mr. A to stop the divorce/come back?

You said it--The energy it takes to want a WS who doesn't want us is draining. The energy is going to them and not us! And the drive is for them and not us! So when you lose the drive, it isn't failing in your quest. It is sucking that energy back in to your body and mind and soul, where YOU NEED IT. It's taking the time to recuperate and heal and RESTING from wanting Mr. A to come back, right? Maybe by the time you decide to focus on it again, you will be in a different place.

Focusing on the message of the paper weight i.e. "Keeping the eye on the prize" and never giving up on the goal of saving your marriage ALL ALONE (usually the support of family and friends drops off, right?) can feel like a prison sentence after awhile...without knowing when the sentence ends....how is that

Even when we say "ok you may be free..." but still hoping they will come back, it is draining for ourselves, putting our lives on hold, and we aren't really setting THEM OR US free.