Especially when she was going through the house asking for things and I kept saying 'sure' 'fine' 'go ahead' - at what point do I put my foot down and say 'no dammit, if you wanted out then go, leave and buy your own sh*t'.
I did the same thing, thinking, "Sure, take it. I don't want it. It's just stuff. Stuff that reminds me of you." I regretted it at first but now am glad I did it. Along the same vein, while I have said I have emptied my house of all tangible reminders of her (selling, tossing gifts, presents, etc.,) on Wednesday, I checked over the SA list of all things that were mine and that were hers and going to her after the house sells, and I decided not to live in our house (but MY home) with her things about and hanging up, etc.
So everything that is listed in the SA as reverting to her when the house sells was promptly removed and put in the basement. I have no need of living among/seeing her possessions. And who knows? With the house and rooms looking that much emptier ("empty is good; it looks larger," says RE Broker), perhaps we'll get a lower offer (or any offer) from potential buyers who think, "Oh, these people are almost out of here!"
Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
When the house wasn't bothering me now that she associated her label with lots of things she wants its making me imagine a house without those things.
See above. It actually feels better, more like mine, more purged of her this way.
Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
Why do I care about her still? why after all that's happened some part of me still wants her back when I know I can't trust her and she can leave again whenever it suits her. Why can't I just move on. I struggled with myself yesterday to not hug her as she stood around for a few seconds after saying bye. Why am I so pathetic that I feel I need her.
Because you are human, decent, sentimental, still have that last, understandable hope. Detachment is a journey, not a destination.
Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
OK I'm done pouring my heart out for now...I guess there are no answers.
No you're not. And, yes, there are. It just takes time.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
