People are not possessions or articles and therefore holding onto anyone who does not want to be held onto can never work. Sometimes we hold onto ideas and dreams i.e of staying married or or maintaining a family unit but we cannot hold onto the people who want to walk.
It is purely fear that inhibits the giving of the "Dobson" speech. Fear that if you say they can leave they will leave. But they have already left anyway. If not in body certainly in mind and spirit. The speech is really an outward declaration that YOU get it. A way of letting THEM know that YOU do not wish to be complicit in the current state of play. A way of retaining some measure of dignity for crying out loud.
If someone is dead and you do not say they are dead does it make them alive?
Setting them free is a fearless action. Fearlessness can be reckless in some circmstances but in others it can also be attractive. If someone thinks you will be broken at the thought of setting them free and you DO IT, doesn't that immediately change the entire dynamic even if they do not return? You immediately appear stronger and more resilient. Some power returns to you.
This is exactly it. If they are already gone, what is the point of hanging on? Thanks for the incredible insight into my sitch.
