Hope it's ok if I hop onboard

[fudwoman]

Serious conversations? I read somewhere on here "you can't talk yourself out of something you acted your way into" ... it's so true. Talk is cheap ...

Ya I have to agree with that wisdom! 2 x 4 duly noted and deserved but the truth is even though I can see intellectually what you are saying I can't will myself to be in a different place than I am - thus all the folks stuck in MLC land.

Fud - you are still making this about HIM. If HE can't see, if HE won't change ... you are thinking about things you can't control, why? The bootcamp is a fantastic idea, but there are other opportunities to turn this inwards. What are you doing differently? What changes are you making for YOU? Who are YOU right now? Who do you WANT to be? What are you doing to make that happen?

Yep I keep getting stuck here too. I am still doing things for myself - meditating everyday and going to a meditation group on Wednesday nights - reaching out to people and reading inspirational books. I am actually doing a lot for myself.

As a wise man once posted to me "this process will change you, if you let it". Let it Fud ... let it change the parts of YOU that you want to change. This isn't about HIM anymore. Do this work for you, not to save your M but to save yourself and come through this at your full potential.

Another bottom line for me here - can't get past the fear that our M won't continue - though the twist on it is that part of me wonders if I really want someone who is so conflict avoidant. As far as unconditional love - I guess the truth is that it's not unconditional for me or for him. Maybe that's not good but it's the truth. I'm glad that you are posting this stuff to me - I know I need to hear it and I also know that I am where I am - which is basically vacillating between thinking things will be ok between us and then that they won't. Intermittently though I am working on me - just keep getting sidetracked.

You are not a victim unless you choose to be.
Stop having expectations of anyone other than yourself. Disappointment is your fault, not his.

Another pearl of wisdom here - indeed the disappointment piece is totally on me - I have to try to remember that - so hard to know how to be on a daily basis with him. Sometimes things seem so normal that the expectations creep in - then other times it's sickeningly apparent that we are in a bad place and may never get out. I'm constantly on this bizarre ride and keep forgetting how to get off. Ugh this all probably sounds like the ridiculous ramblings of a nut job but that's where my head is at tonight at 11:35pm when I can't stop coughing and feel pretty physically awful!

Thx for taking the time to share your thoughts!
Much appreciated!!

A