Wow! Thank you for the info. I would like to comment on one thing though:
You said:
"I do not experience desire the way you or my H do. I don't experience physical desire until things get going. I believe, because of my experience, that I will never, ever interpret feelings of love, loyalty and intimacy as a physical desire OF sex. I have sex and enjoy sex because of the great love I have for my husband (at least now I do).
I do not seek to have sex as a means of "feeling" loved because someone I once loved and trusted as deeply as you could love and trust another person, violated my love and trust. But I have to say that anyone who feels that their love and trust were violated on an emotional level can feel the exact same way as I did " AND NEVER HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED."
I say: Don't sell yourself short on this stuff. Anything that is learned can be unlearned. Feeling loved because of sex or having sex as an expression of love are pretty amazing things when it is mutual and shared with a trusted partner. Life is too short to say that you will NEVER be able to feel a certain way. It makes me sad to hear you say this about yourself. I am sure you enjoy sex because of the great love you have for your husband and I am sure that it is good, but the physical act of sex stemming from feelings of love, loyalty and intimacy is on a completely different level....a truly mind altering experience. One that should not be missed, and if you really have forgiven yourself, released the pain, and truly opened up to your husband, I doubt you will be able to miss it, even if you wanted to.
