He will be on this forum and reading your ENTIRE THREAD
DEFINITELY NOT! I even made sure MC knows that I have not discussed the book or site with him!
On another note... I was gone running an errand when H got home from his MC session. When I got home, he was in the office, doors closed, playing XBox. Didn't even eat dinner. I popped in to let him know our DD was gone for the weekend. He barely spoke. Then he went to the kitchen and mumbled that he might have some of his bday cake. I was in the laundry room. He looked over but didn't say much. He ate some food then headed straight back to the office. I went to our room and showered. He hasn't made an appearance. Guess he doesn't want to talk about his session!
I prepared myself that he might be worse after his counseling session but was hoping that maybe he'd be better or at least the same. Guess not! I just hate it. It's tough. I'm guessing he'll also be back to mattress hugging tonight...
Just wanted to chime in and say that it sounds as if you found a wonderful FT. I can't begin to say how detrimental it is to have a bad one and I speak from experience.
You have said your H was resistant to C. It is a step in the right direction that he agreed to go now. He might be withdrawn after his session perhaps because he is starting to see how broken he is and how awful his behavior has been. That must be difficult to face. Just my take on it.
Me - Faithful wife H - WAH Bomb: Fall/2009 - PA/EA with OW for 1 year Both in our early 40's M - 16 years w/ no kids T - 21 years Separated since July of 2008 - H living with his mother
That could be, Sportsfan. At first he was resistant to counseling yet he is the one that asked me about going and asked me to make him an appt. He even asked me several times to make sure when it was - so, I was definitely not pushing him into it. I DO hope you're right and that he's seeing some things in myself instead of just looking to blame me.
Sorry you had a bad experience with your FT. I even told mine today how fearful I was that it would make matters worse, if the wrong approach was taken. She was right on board with my way of thinking though and that H needs to get to the point of wanting to save his family before anything else can occur. (And I think it's good for him to go alone until that point.)
Just realized I typed "myself" instead of "himself" in my above post. OOPS. lol
I am discouraged this morning. Not only was I right that he would be back to hugging the edge of the mattress, but when I went into the office (where he played XBox until who knows how late) I saw he had the apartment information sheet out. Now, there's a chance that could be coincidence, but I tend to think not. I haven't seen it in for over a week and now it reappears??? The bad part is, where he left it the boys are likely to see it. You can't tell me they wouldn't wonder why that is there... That's so bad of him to just leave it where they'd find it. Maybe he's wanting to prepare them or maybe it's his way of threatening to leave again... who knows. Anyway, I moved it to the bedroom and just put it with some other paperwork on his side of the bed on his nightstand.
While I know the paper shouldn't get me upset - it does. It's frustrating. I want to just yell and say, "if you're going to go....GO! But quit threatening and acting like an ass!" Of course, I won't do that...but it's awfully tempting.
My guess is maybe the MC held his feet to the fire and he didn't like it.... but who knows.
To add... I wouldn't be surprised to get a negative email from him today about our sitch. I hope not because I don't know if I'm in the proper mindset to restrain myself in saying a few things!
To my mind threats to leave when you are miserable are just childish and passive aggressive... I take it as a statement of his mood more than any plan he has in the works...
When people are feeling miserable an hopless they want to express that... He will say the marriage is over, its failed, he's done, he's gonig to leave etc...
You just have to remember what he's TELLING you when he does these things... and ignore the words he's using to express it
To my mind threats to leave when you are miserable are just childish and passive aggressive... I take it as a statement of his mood more than any plan he has in the works...
When people are feeling miserable an hopless they want to express that... He will say the marriage is over, its failed, he's done, he's gonig to leave etc...
You just have to remember what he's TELLING you when he does these things... and ignore the words he's using to express it
Yeah - it's just sad that he feels miserable and hopeless when he has such a great family. I guess I'm just not feeling very sure of how to respond to it right now. Well, except to not respond unless I have to. I know nothing I say can change his mind anyway and he has to work through this stuff himself.
I told MC about the cellphone and once again, he had it with him this morning in the bathroom. She says that he is protecting it like a dog protecting its bone. She agrees that it may be something more/different than just hiding something - because he could easily just delete texts/emails/phone history. (I have no way of comparing totals since his bills don't come to house.) It's more like he is protecting his right to privacy - the right to his independence - his own life. She agrees that full disclosure of such things is necessary - when he is ready to commit to the marriage.
SO - right now, until I have proof of anything - not much to be done about that. Oh - and the voice recorder in the car has proven unnecessary right now. The DD or I have to take him/pick him up from the park n ride to/from work since she and I both need cars during the day for the most part.
