Irish, how are you doing? I havent had time to read over your posts from this past week, but just had some thoughts.
First of all, you will find that threads sometimes go off in crazy directions for a bit. It's a good thing.
Second, yes, the tears do stop - I promise you.
Third, you are still thinking waaaayyyy too much about what h might have felt or didnt feel or was thinking or wasnt thinking. Here's the thing - we dont really know the answer to all that because it's their thoughts, their feelings.
Be careful not to get caught up in all that. And also be careful not to place too much blame at your feet. Own your parts - let him own his. Then, when you have it all figured out in your head, let it go. That's when you start to get going on the real changes you want and need to make - for you.
One month before my bomb, h wrote me that he wants to make me happier than I have ever been, that he loves me more than anything in this world. Who knows what or why they are thinking?
So trying to figure out who your real husband is, the one who wrote the card, the one you see now, the one from ten years ago, is gonna make you crazy.
And really, it doesnt matter. You have decided to stand. It doing so, you have made a committment to take this journey.
So, keep walking. Worry not about what he thinks, who he is, why he is doing this. Just get to gettin on what you want to change about you. Figure out what makes you happy. Stop trying to get inside his head and get inside yours. Find your touchstone.
