Setting them free

[Swiss Miss]

Wow, you getting that much out of one line was incredible. Can I be "witchy" at times? Yes. Do you have a point? Yes, to some degree. But am I rigidly intolerant, controlling, highly critical, etc.? Not for the most part. And the fact that I brought it up should show I'm at the very least open-minded about his criticism. I am very aware of what my faults are, I took almost all the blame for our marital problems for over a decade (not strong or independent, huh?). It was when I started thinking that maybe it wasn't all me that the real trouble began. I think he thinks that proves his point.

What he means is that I didn't need him enough. I didn't ask his opinion enough or take his advice enough. I wasn't aware this was a big deal for a lot of men, and it was a huge deal for him. He almost always (and I'm not exaggerating) got offended if I didn't take his advice. And the weird part is I did take a lot of it. He had an incredible amount of say in the business my family owns, but it really turned him off if we went in a different direction than he thought we should. And we even did that pretty rarely, because his advice was usually good and we'd hear about it if we didn't. Gosh, that doesn't sound at all strong and independent either.

I do, however, now take men up on offers to get stuff off high shelves, carry stuff, etc., and give them an extra sweet smile when I thank them. If it floats your boat, I can let you carry that box. Although I just listened to my brother-in-law about how to jump my battery and had the car towed when it didn't work, turned out he did it wrong but I didn't want to insist we reread the directions. So this will only get me so far I guess.

As for freaking out if someone goes to the store for five minutes, up until about a year ago he hated me to be out for even an evening so I rarely did it. So maybe that is part of it, I don't know.

I guess the crux of it is that for him to feel loved, he has to feel depended on. And appreciated. And the ways in which I did (and I did do it in many ways, I have the e-mails to prove it!) weren't enough for him. His OW is going through (supposedly) a divorce from what she purports is a complete crazy man, so I'm sure he gets a lot of that from her. If it wasn't so contrary to DBing I would have had some sort of breakdown about how I can't get through life on my own and what am I going to do without him but I don't think he'd buy it anyway. Instead he feels that I never really loved him since I got my life together and going in a positive direction so quickly.

Since my WH complained about this for years, I don't know what your advice is in regards to the A. He went off the deep end in regards to how awful our marriage was but has been relatively consistent in his complaints (somehow I just don't think our marriage was sick and twisted, my favorite justification he gave for ending it). I think a criticism almost always has a grain of truth to it so I'll think on what you said.