The thing is that you haven't detached your emotions from your H, so everything starts triggering you. I was like you where everyone kept saying I needed to forget her, she's crazy, etc.
it sucks. i feel like i've detached somewhat. but i don't think it's by choice. being physically separated means i don't interact with him on a daily basis. i must be fooling myself into believe that i have detached. the anger is what keeps it fresh and raw inside.
one of the reasons for staying away from my family is to prove to myself that i can do this on my own.
so far, i've done just fine.
before i got married, i lived at home. i never picked up a spatula, chef's knife, or opened a jar of pasta sauce. with my parents around, they were constantly watching over my shoulder that i rather not cook than continue. after i got married, i cooked like you wouldn't believe. i turned out to be a pretty good cook.
i cook every night now. i never eat out, i never bring home take out either. i cook healthy and i always cook a little bit more so i have lunch the next day. sometimes i even share my lunch with my office mate. i always show my gratitude to others by sharing my culinary creations. they always love what i make.
i think deep down, i really want to feel desirable to someone. i don't think it matters if it is h or not. i love it when someone finds me sexy and wants me. i don't usually reveal stuff like that because when someone knows it makes the attempt seem less genuine. i don't have anybody who wants me now. but i'm sure my ugly interior shows on the outside and it's really unattractive.
hey Mr.Bond. thanks for getting me to talk about me and not my sitch. my ic cancelled on me yesterday so i didn't get a chance to vent. i don't want to vent but talking about me is a nice change.
i think i want to talk about my friends and family next time. i have neglected them a great deal and i need to remember how important they are to me.
